Purring Prophecy

Courting the God Morpheus

2011-06-21T12:15:00.002-05:00

S'okay - I realize that it's been almost a month since I last blogged - and that was from the hospital. Hopefully there are a few of you still out there checking in periodically, so I wanted to say hi and blog about something that's been on my mind lately - and that is sleep.

I know there's a bunch of research saying how adults actually need more sleep than we used to think - 9 hours is not considered too much. But what I've been up against lately is the full set of cultural baggage surrounding sleep and what it says about your status in life, your responsibility level, laziness, etc.

Here's the deal: I like to sleep. A lot. I like staying up late and sleeping late. Having twins puts a cramp in this, obviously. But, having twins and 3 surgeries in 9 months makes it mandatory that I get enough sleep, in my opinion. But what is enough? It's not just what each individual body needs - and that differs greatly from person to person. It's what other people think you should have.

The baggage is this, I think:

1) If you "sleep in" (i.e., after, say 8 or 9 am), you're either an infant, a college student, unemployed, and/or lazy.
2) If you're a parent and you're not sleep deprived or if you don't get up for the day at 5-6 when your children initially arise, you're a bad parent.
3) If you nap during the day (either when you should be working or when someone else is taking care of your children b/c you pay them to), you're lazy and you're a bad parent.
4) If you need 9-10 hours of sleep in a 24 hour period, you're probably depressed.

It's funny b/c when babies are first born, they tell parents to sleep when they sleep, which means you're supposed to catnap all day, which is impossible b/c - you know - I'm an adult. BUT, when they get older, sleep through the night, and wake up at 6, you should get up, too.

Sirs Guy and Miles awaken anywhere between 4:45-6:30 and want their morning bottle. I stagger out of bed, give it to them, change their diapers, throw some toys into their cribs, and then stumble back to bed, where I put EAR PLUGS in and an eye pillow and sleep as long as I bloody can - sometimes until 8:45 if they don't freak out. Now, they are fed, safe, not sitting in their own filth, and (hopefully) not too bored. I can hear them scream through my ear plugs (at which point, I would get up and take care of them), but the plugs keep out the babbling and vigorous shaking of rattle toys that would otherwise impede my sleep. During the day, I often sneak home and sleep for an hour and a half, especially if the boys are at my mom's during the day. I know parents who have told me that they wouldn't trade the couple of hours they get to spend with their children before daycare for anything in the world - I sleep.

The thing is, I feel guilty about this. Why? Partly b/c TD, and I love him, doesn't get as much sleep b/c he has an hour commute and HAS to be at work for 8 hours a day. So, he's resentful. Medieval Pop and Mom both have always been early to bed, early to risers (goddam Ben Franklin) - but they act like it's some kind of MORAL INDEX when they get up early - probably again, b/c of goddam Ben Franklin. Medieval Pop was just visiting for the weekend and would get very resentful when I'd sleep in until 9am (also because I wasn't taking care of his needs, entertaining him, and feeding him early enough, but that's another post). But, he felt morally superior - like I wasn't facing the day and taking care of my children. I've realized just how prevalent the idea of the inherent morality of rising early and (potentially) sleeping too little really is - along with that comes the condescension (whether because of jealousy or otherwise) with which those people deal with those (like me) who need and take more sleep.

I've promised myself that I would stop apologizing for sleeping "too much" - and at some point, I will stop reminding my family that I've have health problems, etc. - because that dog won't hunt much longer. I've been frantically trying to find ways to explain my need for and desire to sleep longer than most of those around me - but the question is: should I? My work gets done, my classes get taught, my children are happy, healthy and loved. I don't feel like I do the bare minimum on any of these things (although some days I do - so do we all).

Why can't I get completely past the guilt, though?

Recovery

2011-04-29T17:41:00.002-05:00

Surgery went incredibly well - haven't needed much pain medication (this will likely change a bit tomorrow) and I'm up and shuffling around a bit. Even better, I know longer have a giant cyst in my chest! Yay!

Thanks for your good wishes - I'll keep you posted!

Good Thoughts

2011-04-26T21:29:00.002-05:00

I know I've been a SHIT-TAY blogger these past few months! Lots has been happening; childcare issues, traveling, house buying, finishing the semester, etc. I owe ya'll an update, pics of the house, pics of the babies.

But.

I have to have surgery on Friday to remove a big honkin' cyst from my chest. It's not a big deal (at least for the surgeon it's not) and they only make 3 incisions, but I don't do well in the hospital b/c I feel like a caged animal, so I'm stressed. I'll only be there a few days, but still.

Can you send some good vibes my way, even for an erstwhile blogger?

Also, I just got stunk-up by a stink bug. It wasn't pleasant. My nose feels violated.

Pavlovian Wiggle Dance

2011-03-25T09:09:00.005-05:00

As we all know, Pavlov was right with his dogs and all. But it also holds true for babies. Sirs Guy and Miles have begun a strange ritual wherein they do a special dance whenever the serviette (our hotsy-totsy word for a burp-cloth) is placed on their chest in advance of their bottle. It can only be described as a kind of undulating break dance move (I know, because I could do something similar back in 1984) with their mouths open in urgent expectation like this:

So, this is a representation of the mind of a six-and-a-half-month-old around feeding time:

1) [*vague urge begins*] Wasn't their something called a bottle? Didn't I like it? I wonder when it will come to me again. Hmmmmmzzzzzzzz.......

2) [*urge becomes more urgent*] Okay, I wasn't kidding around. I kinda would like to have that bottle-thing again. Hello? Are you listening to me? Fine, I'll crap in my pants to get your attention...

3) [*urge become obsession*] bottlebottlebottlebottlebottlebottlebottlebottlebottlebottlebottlebottlebottlebottlebottlebottlebottle.......

4) [*obsession leads to fury*] Where the f_ck is my BOTTLE!!!!!!!!!

5) [*fury leads to utter despair*] There will never be another bottle. All is lost. I'll just curl up here in the corner of my bed, like a farty little croissant, and try to suck on my fingers for a little nourishment. My minutes are numbered...

6) [*magic serviette is placed upon them*] JOY! THE BOTTLE COMETH AFTER ALL!

7) [*cue the Pavlovian Wiggle Dance*]

By the way, I'm eating nachos for breakfast.

Still here...random fluff

2011-03-14T19:52:00.003-05:00

My god, it's been a while. Are people still even checking to see if I blog anymore? I wouldn't blame you...

Things here have been GREAT, just BUSY AS SHIT! And shit is bu-sy (pronounced "bi-zzay").

Here's all I'm capable of at the moment (must prep for classes tomorrow):

1) We survived a week-long Spring Break to the Real Dutchmanlandia - 7-8 hour flights were okay - Sirs Guy and Miles did extremely well all said. Sir Guy is teething and, thus, being a bit of a jerk. I'm glad to be home.

2) And speaking of home, we're moving in less than 2 weeks! And Medieval Mom is moving here in 4 days! Gah!!! But, the windows in our new place are installed, rooms painted, shelves built in closet, appliances to be delivered on Saturday. All overseen by yours truly. It looks so beautiful, it makes me want to cry. Will post pics when all is arranged.

3) Book is in editing stage - estimated to come out in October. Joy! Also, will contribute another article to a special issue of a journal and am going to contribute a new piece to another edited collection. Fortunately, deadlines aren't looming.

4) But one deadline is looming and that's a talk I'm giving on new material in early April - it's a short talk, but still - needs to be written!

5) Sigh. I have to have chest surgery in late April to remove a cyst that's next to my heart and that's getting too big (it's the size of a baseball now). It's fairly straightforward and asymptomatic at the moment, but it's annoying and it needs to come out. I'll be in the hospital for a couple of days and it's a 10-14 day total recovery, so it's not that big a deal - similar to a gall bladder. It's not cancerous and apparently I've had it since birth, it's just getting too big and we found it when they did the scan when my gall bladder turned in its notice. But, I'm still not looking forward to it.

6) What I do look forward to is June. My talk, our move, my surgery, my summer class, everything will be over by June. And then I'll be able to take it easy. I'll also officially be on research leave until January! So, come hither, June....

Krapatoa, n.

2011-01-23T14:11:00.005-05:00

The volcanic ass-explosion of a baby of such seismic proportions that the villagers run screaming in terror...

See also Mt. Ves-"eeeeew"-vius, n.

Still here!

2011-01-17T20:34:00.002-05:00

I'm sorry I've been such a poor presence on this blog lately - the holidays were a bit of a blur - a good blur, though. And we started back to school last week, so it's been interesting getting back into it.

Also, my final book MS is due to the publisher on Feb. 1 (i.e., in their hands in the UK) and a bunch of tedious department service paperwork is due to my university a week later. In early April I travel to give a talk (which is new material I have to write) and in the middle of that, we close on our house, move, and also spend a week in Holland with the Sirs Twain.

*gasp!*

I need to get back into my work hole...

As if the previous post wasn't enough...

2010-12-22T19:50:00.002-05:00

...my book manuscript is now under contract!!!!

JOY!!!!

Major Milestone

2010-12-17T16:01:00.002-05:00

Last night - at 3 months and 10 days old - the twain slept through the night!!!

They went down at 9:30 after their mega-feeding and then Sir Miles woke up at 4, but was mollified in 3 minutes when TD gave him a binky and then they slept until 6am! After another mega-feeding, they slept until 8:45!

It's a Christmas miracle.

Let's see if it happens again...

How I get work done in the mornings...

2010-12-10T08:51:00.002-05:00

Get up when the Sirs do (today at 7:30!) - feed and change them. Put them back down in cribs - then move Sir Guy into our bed b/c he likes to sleep there in the morning. I put his little head on the pillow, put a couple of pillows on either side so he can't roll, pull the covers up halfway and he looks just like a little adult!* Then I sneak upstairs with a Coke Zero and a box of Nilla wafers and work on my book revisions. I'm hoping they'll sleep until about 10:30-11:00. Our motto around here is "let sleeping babies lie" - and I tell TD when he comes home from work and wants to pick up one of the cute, slumbering little butterballs: "You wake; you buy."

In other news - we bought a house! We were going to buy a Christmas tree last weekend but instead we bought a house. It's not the one that needs renovation - it's actually another one that's already totally renovated - a 1922 4-bed bungalow with a sunroom and adorable yard. And a big front porch with a swing! The house is exactly the color of wasabi...

Back to work!

*I know I won't be able to do this when he's older b/c he could get tangled up - but for now he doesn't move much.

Random Bits of HELLS YEAH!!

2010-12-03T11:36:00.002-05:00

Sorry for not posting for so long - Medieval Mom was here for an extended stay and it was a little crazy-making.

Here's the skinny:

1) Heard this morning from the publisher with the reader's report on my R&R for the book manuscript - it's extremely positive and recommends publication, so the chief editor is going to take a formal proposal to the editorial board!! JOY!!! I know it's not a done deal yet, but it feels really good to be so close!

2) TD and I have minor colds. I'm sure Guy and Miles will get them too. Why is this okay? See fluff-point #1 above.

3) Guy and Miles have been sleeping for 4-5 hours straight - a lovely thing! In 4 weeks, rice cereal will be administered and then bliss will ensue.

4) TD and I are looking for a house to buy - we have an appointment with a contractor on the awesome house we tried to rent last year. It's still on the market and I'm still in love with it. It needs work, but if we could get a ballpark estimate from this guy, it would help us determine whether we can afford it or not. I hope the house isn't falling apart...

5) I have the hiccups.

6) Still...

7) *hic*

This may be a bit inappropriate, but...

2010-11-22T20:45:00.002-05:00

...I want to ask my therapist out on a play date.

Okay. She's about my age, she has a little boy only six weeks older than Sirs Guy and Miles and she's SO cool! I think I like her like her...

Actually, I really like her as a therapist, too. She's smart, Ph.D. in Psychology, she challenges me, she's funny. My last appointment when I was feeling so overwhelmed with everything, I thought I would go in there and cry, but we ended up laughing our asses off the whole time about kids, life as a new parent, etc. It was exactly what I needed and she said it didn't even feel like therapy...

Do you think she feels the same way about me? I mean, do you think she might want to have our kids meet at some point? I find myself looking at the picture of her little boy on her desk and thinking about how nice it would be for the three boys to play together and Dr. M and I can slug back a pitcher of margaritas.

The kids are still too young to really play together, so I figure I have time before I actually have to pop the question. But I just know that at some point I'm going to have to ask her if she wants things to go further. Will I need to get another therapist? Would it be inappropriate to see each other socially? I keep thinking about whether her husband and TD would get along...

Sigh.

I have such a crush...

A quick article bleg

2010-11-18T15:59:00.001-05:00

Thanks for the encouragement, guys! I'm feeling tons better now that I've recovered a bit!

Quick question - can anyone tell me the title/author of that article about mothers using medieval romances to teach their daughters? I know there is one (it seems like it was in an essay collection) and I can't remember or find it for the life of me!

Feeling so overwhelmed

2010-11-11T14:25:00.002-05:00

Yep. That's me.

It's taken me a while to admit that, but it's true. Having twins is hard. They both start crying at the same time. Each feeding takes 45 minutes if you're doing it yourself. I don't know what they want from me. I can't pick them up at the same time b/c I'm not strong enough and they're gaining tons of weight. When I do try to pick one up to calm him down I usually get kicked in my gut somewhere around my incision and it hurts like hell.

I've had 3 surgeries in two months all of which required varying kinds of anesthetic, from general to local to in-between. My post-partum anxiety and anemia threw me for such a loop and just as that was subsiding, the gall bladder thing happened. I haven't felt healthy in so long.

The boys - Sir Guy in particular - have been so fussy lately - they're awake much more now during the day and they. just. cry. Sometimes no amount of holding, changing location, distraction will make them stop. They're still too young to really play and be entertained and it's just so hard with two of them. They sleep really well at night (with intermittent feedings), but the days and especailly evenings are a chore.

No one needs to worry about me - I have all the support we can afford and rely on from friends and I'm seeing all the proper peeps. But even with all that, I still feel overwhelmed. I just want to stop being sore and exhausted all the time.

I know lots of you don't have kids - I just wanted to vent a little. Thanks.

How galling...still here...

2010-11-06T17:26:00.002-05:00

Sorry I've been so out of bloggy touch - the boys have been growing well (in fact, 2 months old today) and I've been doing great - helping Medieval Mom try to find a house, etc.

And then...

WHAM!!

Last Sunday afternoon, bad pain in upper right quadrant of belly. Trip to doc's office on Monday yielded a CAT-scan and a potential enlarged gall bladder. Trip to general surgeon's office on Tuesday confirmed suspicion. The fact that I was still in continuous pain and taking the percocets that I had (thankfully) never taken after my c-section meant that I needed to have the thing out soon for fear of infection. Thursday morning, have a "lap-chole" (where they go into your belly-button and take something out) to remove offending gall bladder (which apparently has a jawbreaker-sized gallstone in it). It was pretty bad and it's a good thing it came out. Doc decides to keep me overnight so he can give me IV antibiotics and so that a gastroenterologist can take a look at an x-ray of my bile duct that might have a stone in it. GI-doc decides the next morning that my liver enzymes are a little elevated, which warrants doing an endoscopy to check for another stone creeping around in there. Low and behold, they find one, take it out with their endoscopy tool and then tell me I'm "too perky" to stay in the hospital another night, so they send me home yesterday afternoon.

So, now, I'm without any kind of gall issues remaining (I hope) and I'm just healing from what was ultimately a routine couple of procedures - it's just that they SNUCK THE HELL UP ON ME!!!!!! I'm telling myself that I don't need to begin weaning myself off of the Vicodin completely just yet - that I'm not a wimp if I still take it! Or if I still have pain...

Speaking of which, I'm going to go have a vicodin now...

A question about bloglines

2010-10-15T09:26:00.000-05:00

Okay, so what are people doing about the demise of bloglines? It's closing on Nov. 1? How do I move all my blogs over to another reader?

Help.

Who am I?

2010-10-06T22:22:00.004-05:00

I've been giving a lot of thought lately to how I feel about being a mother - I've started seeing a new therapist (I'm nothing if not proactive about stressful periods in my life) and it's been good to talk about it a bit with her. It still hasn't hit me quite yet that I am a mother - I mean, it's hit me in one sense, an immediate sense. There are 2 little babies who rely on me (and my support team) for their basic needs. But I still don't always connect them with the fact that they were inside me. I know I love them (in the sense that I would throw myself in front of a bus for them), but it's not always a conscious feeling.

I think I'm staring right into the face of the myth of all-encompassing, positive motherhood. Just like those Rockwellian Christmas myths, I thought that I would feel more connected to them than I often do. That I would feel the urge to weep with joy and unending love every time I look at them. That it would be one big skin-to-skin love-fest bonding ceremony. But I often see them as just needing from me. Now, granted, I'm feeling better after the anemia and hormonally-induced craziness has begun to calm down and I have more to offer them. But my feelings about them are still very complicated and evolving. Sometimes I have to remind myself that my life has changed so dramatically - they will be with me for so long. How do I feel about this? What does this mean to me?

People say that your life will never be the same - but what will it be? These are the big questions. Different? Yes. Good? Yes. Better than it would have been without them? I think so - in the final tally, I know I'll never truly regret having children (however much I might regret it in certain moments). But I expected to feel more...stable about them than I do. I think I might be falling in love with them. Like I did with TD. The first time I met TD, the next day I remember saying to a friend of mine, "I just really like that guy." And it grew from there to the point to where I love him with all my heart.

Could it be the same with children? Could it be that I love them in one basic, primal way, but I'm also in the process of falling in love with them in another, subtler, more cerebral/emotional way?

I've been thinking this is the case. And I've been thinking that that's okay.

Where is Medieval Woman??

2010-10-04T09:25:00.004-05:00

Still here! Anxiety is all but gone (thanks to meds and time) - Guy and Miles are one month old today - they are getting fussier, but I've heard this peaks around 4-6 weeks and then dissipates at 8-10 weeks once their circadian rhythms get more set. Otherwise, they're gaining weight like champs and being cute little grubs.

I am feeling tons better with the anemia - the numbers are on the rise and in a couple of weeks I'll have another hemoglobin check. Medieval Mom is here until Saturday, so that's been a big help (she takes the 3am feeding! What have I done to deserve such grace?)

I've started to think about work in the middle of the midnight feeding, when all is quiet on the western front. How will I approach this new article project? What do I need to begin researching first? These are just little synapses firing late at night, but hopefully in a week or so I'll be able to handle some sustained attention to the issue.

More from the incubator...

2010-09-15T18:47:00.005-05:00

We're getting this! We can do this. Things are getting better and my anxiety was slightly less today than it was yesterday. Does this mean that hormones are working their way through my system? Surely it does.

We took some fun pics today:

May I present Sir Guy -

And Sir Miles -

How jaunty are they? Do they pricketh throughout the countryside looking for damsels to rescue??

Other tidbits:

1) My mother leaves tomorrow and je suis desolee! This hasn't happened before. She comes back in a week and a half for 11 days - JOY! Who am I?? And she's moving here in a few months. Thank God!! Who knew?

2) Went to the Dr. Canadienne today to discuss meds and it was a good conversation - even better? They did a weight check - I HAVE LOST 40 POUNDS SINCE 2 DAYS BEFORE I DELIVERED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3) I am now taking a natural organic iron supplement to help my anemia rather than the caustic guerilla pills they prescribed for me (Dr. C said I could) - those killed my gut and these are easy on it. I am now out of the range where they suggest transfusion!! (I'm an 8 - normal is 12-16) I'm inhaling spinach, watermelon, and red meat.

4) Periodically, one of the boys will let loose a single, blood-curdling, ear-piercing scream. We call it their primal scream therapy.

Rawr! and the First Night...

2010-09-11T16:59:00.004-05:00

Yes, my friends - that is Guy! Miles was born exactly one minute later...our little ones arrived on Monday (Labor Day??) at 35 and 1/2 weeks. They didn't have to spend even a minute in the NICU, which was amazing and they came home with us yesterday. They are small, but beautiful; immature in some ways and mature in others. The Furballs are terrified but curious - what could these gabbling things be??

What follows are some of my observations and feelings - they're all jumbled up, but here they are!

1) This sounds cliche, but I am totally in love...pure, unadulterated love.

2) I am also stressed out beyond my wildest ken - how can these two emotions co-exist so much? Last night - our first night at home - was so insane. And they weren't even fussy per se! It was just being home, needing to get up every 3 hours at least, to feed them, not really sleeping more than 3-4 hours. I know - I need to get used to this. TD and I are reeling.

3) Medieval Mom is also here until Thursday, so I can't imagine how it would be were she not in residence.

4) The birth was steeped in stress, particularly the days following it, which is why I'm dealing with such anxiety at the moment, I think. The c-section proper was uneventful, even textbook. But we had to do it far earlier than planned because my BP was just consistently way too high. After that, I had a series of events including crashing a bit because of a wonky reaction to something, perhaps nausea, I'm not sure, it's all a blur, but it was very scary for TD. Then we thought all was well but those damned BPs kept creeping up again and they wanted to keep me longer. This was the source of much stress, but finally they just kept me an extra day and sent us home.

5) The babies smell good.

6) Will my hormones eventually regulate themselves? Will I ever feel normal again? Will my body recover from the c-section? When? Will every day get better?

7) Miles is already stepping forward as the "freaky" child - he has so many little quirks and he's not even 6 days old. Guy is all about "slow and steady wins the race"...

8) Tomorrow (yes, Sunday) is our first outing to the pediatrician - what will we wear?

9) Will I ever sleep again?

Le Sigh

2010-08-31T10:07:00.003-05:00

Medieval Woman HQ has now become Bedrest HQ.

Last week we were all in a kerfuffle - on Wednesday, exactly 15 minutes after TD left for the airport to go back to the Motherland to get his work visa (he is SO legal now, btw!), I was told I had to check into the hospital for 24 hours for observation and testing for pre-eclampsia. I tried to tell the doctor (a different one from our own Dr. Canadienne) that I have a history of hypertension, but she didn't believe me. I tried to tell her that I was worried about Guy and Miles and that was obviously making my BP spike and she didn't believe me again.

So, there I was in the hospital alone, crying on the phone to TD who was about to board his transatlantic flight. Fortunately, Medieval Mom was coming into town later that evening for a visit and our awesome friends J and A picked her up and brought her to hang out with me "in stir". After over 24 hours of being stuck in a little room, the results were...

I don't have pre-eclampsia. I just have high blood pressure. So, though I'm still on bedrest (but not the Gestapo kind), it's not as bad as we feared.

But here's what sparked all the stress:

At our last ultrasound, Guy had turned into the Incredible Hulk baby, and - no doubt fortified by gamma radiation - seemed to have gained* almost a pound and a half in two weeks. Miles, however, didn't seem to have gained much at all - only a couple of ounces.

This discrepancy is, of course, very distressing and I was worried to death about my little Miles (hence the BP spike, Dr. Conservative!). So, we went to the special hospital ultrasound people and they did more measurements and concluded that they were only 1 pound rather than 1 1/2 pounds apart. It's still a big and sudden margin, though, and they blamed it on the fact that I no doubt have horrible pre-eclampsia and Dr. Conservative started saying I'd be "lucky" to make it to 36 weeks and talking about long term hospitalization until that time.

Now, I'm all for better safe than sorry, but this was ridiculous! And so my treacherous BP creeped higher the more they took it, supposedly confirming their dire diagnosis. Bastards.

But, after all the hub-bub, it all seemed blown out of proportion (for once, not by me) and so I'm ensconced on the couch and bed for the duration - but it's better than the hospital! We have another measuring ultrasound next Thursday and we'll see if Miles has caught up a bit. If not, then we'll have an early c-section to get him on the outside to chub up. I'm not unenthusiastic about this possibility - I'd be happy to get off the couch.

The funny thing about this whole scenario? The boys are completely fine - they move constantly, they practice their breathing, their heartbeats are great, they're totally strong awesome little dudes. They sit in the eye of the hurricane of panic and ultrasounds and tests in which I become embroiled with their little fingers making the "whatever" sign...

Excuse me, I must now pay-per-view "Hot Tub Time Machine"...

* I say "seem to have gained" b/c ultimately we don't know for sure - the margin of error for late term ultrasounds is actually 1.5 pounds! They could weigh exactly the same (although you can see that Guy is chunkier than Miles).

Random Fluffage

2010-08-14T15:45:00.003-05:00

Dang! It's been a long time since I posted!! I am gleeful that classes start in a little over a week, but I won't be teaching. We live life tapas-style lately: little meals, little naps, little steps, little clothes to wash and put away, little, little, little....

So, here are some of the tidbits (in no particular order):

1) We have scheduled a c-section for our 38th week (Sept. 28th, to be exact) - this is the terminus ad quem for Guy and Miles to emerge. My blood pressure is sneaking up ever so slightly (not due to pre-eclampsia but b/c of a family tendency toward borderline hypertension). So, Dr. Canadienne feels that 38 weeks is plenty of time for them to chub up even more and then high-tail it out of there. This isn't to say that I can't decide to try natural childbirth if I want to or if we go into labor early, but it's nice to know that there's a happy planned option that will not involve my BP spiking dangerously during a potentially long labor.

2) TD is soon buying this for himself.

3) Den of Guy and Miles is complete and I'll post pictures of it soon. I've evicted TD from our bed for the remainder b/c I need every inch of the bed for me and my 27 pillows - TD sleeps on our guest mattress at the foot of the bed. I only feel slightly guilty about this.

4) I went to a breastfeeding class recently where the woman had many plush boobs to illustrate various nipple issues (erect, inverted, etc.). Seriously - they were like little disembodied stuffed boob dolls. Interesting....TD expressed thanks that he hadn't attended this particular class. But then he insisted on reading all of the notes I'd taken so he would know what a "good latch" was...

5) I still haven't heard anything on the revised MS I sent out in the second week of June. That's okay, right? Doesn't bode ill, does it?

I'm going to Chili's...

Trapped

2010-07-28T10:02:00.004-05:00

NB: The musings of this post in no way contradict the musings of the last (and thank you all for the lovely comments and encouragement!!)

But, reading around on the medieval blogosphere about NCS reminiscences has made me a little sad that I missed it (to say nothing of the fact that TD and I had a bodacious trip to Tuscany and Rome planned around the conference). I had been accepted to a great panel that was right up my work alley - and I would have loved to present and hear the other papers, see friends, just be part of an intellectual enterprise again. Of course, the panel organizer and the hotel peeps were wonderful about my pulling out (I pulled out months ago, so it wasn't a last minute burden), but I didn't realize how reading about other people's conference experiences would make me feel a little isolated.

Now, I know there will be many more NCSs and K'zoos to attend, so it's not like I missed Woodstock or anything, but it's made me reflect on the general feeling of being trapped and how tantalizingly anesthetizing that actually is. My day is filled basically with sleeping and eating - and I'm doing exactly what I should be. It's now also governed with periodic blood glucose levels and trips to the doctor. All is well and I've performed my gestation duties very well so far.

But reading NCS posts has made me wake up from my pregnancy haze a take a look around me for the first time in weeks:

- wait, wasn't I going to do research this summer? Wasn't I going to get a head start on the new project after I re-submitted my book manuscript (deargodpleaseletmegetacontract)?

- hold on, don't I have friends skulking around this town someplace? I haven't seen them in a long time...

- don't I have an office with a nice view? Aren't there books waiting for me at the ILL desk in the library?

Whoa - I'd forgotten about all that! So, I've decided to take some metaphorical baby steps before I get bogged down in actual baby steps and reconnect with myself as scholar and social being. These guys will soon enough take over my life once they're on the outside and I'm taking advantage of their amniotic incarceration for a little longer.

We'll see how this goes, but I'm sick of trapping myself in the house because of exhaustion, lack of motivation, etc. It's amazing how the days can slink by.

So, on tap for the coming days:

1) taco night with friends tonight.
2) go up to office tomorrow for 2 hours and read articles (*gasp!*)
3) read and comment on my friend M's article for submission to PMLA.
4) look at 2011 K'zoo CFP and see what's what because I'M GOING NEXT YEAR (and Rebel Lettriste, our sets of twain can play together)!

On the bod

2010-07-23T12:09:00.003-05:00

Okay, since the dismal defeat of our orange men 2 weeks ago, I haven't blogged (although I've been reading yours!) - it was a poorly played game; TD's disappointment was bitter.

But, we rally! And I've had so many naps since then that it seems like a lifetime ago!

(*interrupted to report that Furball #2 is sleeping underneath my desk and is having some kind of dream - her little paws and nose are twitching a mile a minute...very cute*)

Given the condition my condition is currently in (and the fact that it is indeed a growing condition), I've been thinking a lot about my body lately. I've been diagnosed with borderline gestational diabetes and it was explained to me that this is because I'm carrying twins. Indeed, I haven't changed my diet a bit and I've been taking my glucose readings 4 times daily for several days and my readings have never been above 110 (they should remain below 120 2 hours after each meal). This all lends a bit of skepticism to the diagnosis, but I'll play ball.

So, I dutifully went to my diabetes education class with other ladies in "the family way" (as the leader called us) and I listened to a woman rattle on for 2 hours about how if we didn't get our diabetes in check we were going to give birth to "little sumo wrestlers" (said in an overly cutesy, saccharin voice - my blood sugar just spiked). I wanted to jump across the table and strangle this horrid woman within the first 5 minutes. Seriously, I wished her very ill and it didn't get any better the longer I was there. And these women in the class did nothing but moan about how they could no longer eat their Hostess Fruit Pies and drink full on leaded Coke the rest of their pregnancies. Now, I'm in no way poo-pooing these items - if I didn't get heartburn just looking at a Ding-Dong at the moment, I'd be inhaling them right and left. But, I just wanted to get the info and get out. I have absolutely no intention of counting my carbs and sugars and doing exchanges, etc. for the next 9 weeks. Especially because after eating tater tots and hot dogs, burgers and fries, my blood sugar still isn't above 108. Ha. Vindication.

But it was at the moment that the woman told us that we need to get our "lovely svelte figures" back as soon as possible after delivery that I took notice (and vowed to kill her as soon as no one was looking). She pointed to all of our globular physiques and motioned to the belly area and said, "this is ALL TYPE TWOOOOOOOOOO!"* But her certainty that we were all in the crosshairs of this disease because we were a) pregnant and b) therefore, fat, made me fume. Now, I'm all for staying on top of things and being as healthy as you can and being aware if you're at a higher risk for something. I also live in the South and this woman suggested that all of us ladies hie ourselves to our churches and Wal-Marts and get the pounds off asap by walking around in an air-conditioned space (it has actually been prohibitively hot here). But this just made me want to declare myself a big lesbian Satanist communist and reach for a Twinkie.

I hate that shit. Especially when the purveyor of that shit is asking me to poke my finger with a sharp object 4 times a day.

But all of this got me thinking later about how I've been feeling about my growing spherical shape during this whole odyssey. Horrid evil woman seemed to be suggesting that we were fat (or had started out fat) and would continue to be fat unless we were scared skinny by the likes of her.

Now, I have always struggled with my weight and I haven't been really comfy with my body for the past 10 years (and at certain times before that - but does anyone think they look awesome in highschool? Anyone real, I mean...). I've made peace with the fact that I'm basically shaped like a hobbit and who doesn't love cute hobbits (besides Saaaaaauuuuuuraaaaannnnnn)? But in recent years, I've become a more rotund hobbit than I was before.

However, since getting sprogged up, I have to say I've taken on a totally different outlook on my body. I actually think I look fantastic and I wear tight shirts that show off my bod in a way I've never done before (I was always kind of a "buy two sizes up and nothing will cling" kind of lady). At first I thought that I was getting more comfortable with my body because I now felt like I had a reason or an excuse to be overweight or the shape I am. But that's not it. I actually look at myself in the mirror and I don't think I'm fat anymore. It's not like the kids have magically eaten my butt into a size 4 or anything (although I was sort of hoping that would happen). And my arms certainly aren't any more toned than they ever were. But I just think I look kind of frickin' great all the time and it's really cool. It helps that TD is magically drawn to my tummy in a cool, awe-filled, unskeevy way and he's always telling me I look great. Could this be hormones? Possibly. Could this new body self-image go away after delivery? Possibly. But I really hope it sticks around...

*she was referring to the statistic that between 50% and 80% of women who have significant gestational diabetes will develop Type 2 diabetes within 5 years. Basically, you have to keep an eye on it and get tested every year. Makes sense.

P.S. TD surprised me last night with a gift certificate of 5 hour-long pre-natal massages. And then I woke him up at 2:30 with what I thought were signs of pre-term labor (way too early at 29 weeks). So, we spent 4 hours in the women's hospital and found that it was only a false alarm and everything is great. They were lovely and told us to come back even if we suspected something hinky. But it was no fun. At least we got to see the sun rise as we left the hospital!

Netherlands FIFA 2010 Champs??!!

2010-07-10T19:35:00.005-05:00

Dear Bloggy Friends,

Please, please, please pray, chant, sing, dance, whatever you can do to support our boys in orange in tomorrow's FIFA World Cup final. They've never won the FIFA (I know, I know, neither has Spain) and TD would break down into tears of joy if their dream could come true. We've put up the Dutch flag outside and we're draped in every orange thing we own. The tenure gnomes are attempting to prepare some kind of animal sacrifice of the squirrels who keep eating our birdseed. The band of ninja warriors are on their way to South Africa to engage in a little untraceable espionage against our Spanish competition (I have plausible deniability).

Thank You,

Midweevil Oman HQ

Is it okay to do a fluff post again??

2010-07-04T12:15:00.002-05:00

My life seems to be made up of bullet points and napping, so this is all I'm capable of at the moment.

So, here's goes:

1) TD is quitting smoking and it's REALLY HARD. On both of us. We're still trying to unpack and organize in a place we're realizing is a bit too small for our combined stuff plus sprog-stuff. He's having to take on a lot more of the shit I used to be able to help out with and it's wearing a bit on him - sometimes I just want to tell him to have a smoke, but then he'd have to start all over again. He doesn't resent me b/c he is having to do extra shit (like clean the catbox, move boxes around, etc.), but he gets easily annoyed at the situation.

2) I started reading a twins book yesterday that had me panicking about pre-term labor - it wasn't that "What to Expect" garbage, either. I hate those f*cking books because I start getting phantom twinges that I read too much into. I must say unabashedly that I'm no longer enjoying being pregnant. It's getting ponderous and I'm constantly sore. I would prefer to go into cryo-stasis until October and I have the gnomes working on that.

3) Speaking of which, I need to re-task the job market gnomes into tenure gnomes. Now that TD is here and I've been all bulbously lazy, the gnomes have become quite slovenly. They're getting fat, hanging with the wrong crowd, refusing to weed the back bed. Little fuckers...

4) Still have heard nothing from the publisher, but its very early and they're far away in England, so things take time. Trying not to think about it.

5) We're going to the beach tomorrow through Wednesday. I'm very happy about this - I can *just* still fit into my bathing suit (thank god lycra is streeeeeeeeetchy), so I'll still wear it and not buy a knocked up one. I look forward to the feeling of buoyancy greatly. I might just spend the whole time bobbing up and down in the surf. TD can tether me to the shore so I don't float out to sea. We will play cards and watch the Dutch soccer team in the FIFA semifinals.

6) Next week we also go to IKEA to get the aliens' furniture! I'm insanely excited to get that shit set up. It will start to feel real and it'll be a bit like the light at the end of the tunnel. I'll post pics when it's done if you like.

Okay, time for my nap...thanks for hanging in there with me!

Tufts O' Fluff

2010-06-15T22:04:00.002-05:00

We live in one household now.

We almost didn't make it over the border because the horrid customs woman grew suspicious of TD's marginal status (even though I was importing the goods).

We did make it, and now we're home.

Guy and Miles are playing "internal soccer" in honor of Holland's first FIFA win.

I got a brand new LG Droid today. It rocks and I feel all modern.

My feet are the size of cantaloupes.

Huevos Away Again!

2010-06-08T21:49:00.003-05:00

Tomorrow morning, bright and early, I will jettison my Egg escape pod and send the book manuscript back to the publisher. I still have to send the editor a revised book proposal (a.k.a. "Banns of Egg"), but I can't wait to send the entire MS back any longer. The most important thing is to obtain another reader's report (hopefully a positive one!) and then the editor will take the proposal to the editorial board. So, I've reached the point where exhaustion outweighs trepidation and it's going out for better or worse.

I've decided to be a little easy on myself about the 6 extra weeks it took me to complete these book revisions (beyond the 3-month personal deadline I'd inititally set for myself). Since receiving the reader's report, I've halfway cooked two children (indeed, I'd already begun when I got the report, but I didn't know it), revised and seen the final proofs of two articles, taught 3 classes, and packed and moved one and a half households (I'm in the midst of the second one now - this last one over an international border). Not too shabby for a semester...

Anyway, I'm actually keen to get back home, where we will finally be a one-household family once again, and get started on researching a new article which will be a part of Egg II. I'd love to see how far I can get on this before the aliens land!! The thought of doing a little leisurely research is extremely appealing summer work...finish the research I'd begun a while back, begin outlining an article version, maybe draft a bit of the article...cool...

Whence the procrastination?

2010-06-01T10:47:00.002-05:00

I'm having a tough time jettisoning the Egg and it's reached a level of procrastination I'm not completely familiar with. I'm a procrastinator from way back, but I have really overcome it since childhood - once in a while the tendency rears its ugly head, but I'm able to quash it like an untoward subpoena. And I've always been able and willing to get my work done in a timely fashion (usually I stall on dishes).

But, I can't seem to get my mind around finishing the last few things I need to do before sending this MS back to the press.

Here's all that remains to do:
1) Revise the first few paragraphs of the Introduction to begin a bit stronger.
2) Revise the Table of Contents to reflect changes in page numbers, chapter titles, etc.
3) Revise the general book prospectus to agree with my revisions.

Nope. Nuthin' else. WTF? This might take a day or two max!

So, at 4 in the morning I was thinking about my resistance to getting these last few things done. I can't and won't let Guy and Miles take the lion's share of the blame on this (although I am sleeping insane amounts). And even having TD's brother in town last week doesn't explain it all - I could have and did easily send them off to do their own thing while I "worked" (read: futzed around on the web). No, it's something else.

When I was originally preparing this manuscript to be sent to the press last summer and early fall, I was a powerhouse of efficiency. I cranked that puppy out. I was nervous about sending it, of course, but I was eager to get it to them. They could have said no right away, but there was a better chance of a revise and resubmit because they had solicited the manuscript. But this time, I realized in the wee hours of the morning, the answer will either be yes or no - not the cushier, fluffier R&R. It's now or never for them. If they don't like what I've done, they'll just pass on it. eek.

The revisions the reader wanted were not major, but I'm still worried I haven't done enough. Before, I felt like I could hit the ball into their court because they'd likely hit it back to me. Now, I'm stymied at the serve line (please pardon the horribly stale analogy).

So, peeps who have written books and/or articles: do you guys find yourselves having more trouble sending back an R&R than sending a first submission?

I'll end this post now because it's become part of my procrastination agenda...

On a separate note, I've been diagnosed with conditional pregnancy carpal tunnel syndrome in both my wrists. So, I wear little splints at night and sometimes during the day.

I feel like I gimp-blimp.

Having moved on up...

2010-05-19T10:00:00.002-05:00

Last weekend we moved into our new place - it's not the awesome 5 bedroom house we'd hoped to get (the insane man wanted $1850 a month for it!) - this is a $1000/month 3 bedroom place with a lovely front porch and back patio perfect for grilling. The house is great overall, but it's been a bit...roughly used. The landlord (because he's not charging a lot of money for the place) is reluctant to make any upgrades - he keeps chiming in with the phrase "rented as is." We've had to explain to him that "as is" does not mean that the light fixture and doorknob in the second bedroom are not supposed to work. Or that the locks don't need to be fixed (we didn't have keys the first 4 days we lived here). So, after he kept saying that he was "trying diligently" to get a locksmith to come out (which meant he wasn't doing a f*cking thing) - we called someone yesterday and got him out that afternoon to change out all the locks and enable us to secure ourselves and our belongings. We informed the landlord that we'd be deducting that price from the rent and he seemed very chipper.

So, this is the species of landlord we have here. I'm familiar with this species (the "you just arrange and pay for it up front and take it off next month's rent" type of guy), but this particular guy was masquerading as the "conscientious take care of everything" type of landlord, so we were fooled for a while. We've decided to paint a couple of the rooms ourselves (and the color we want) because he didn't repaint (and probably hasn't for years) because he rented the place "as is". We're not informing him and I doubt seriously that he'll care.

The thing is that the guys who lived here before were PIGS. I mean, dear god. The filth was insane. So, I've been a crazed lunatic with the contact paper and feel like I need to periodically dip things in Clorox. But, it's only for a year and the upsides of the house (much more room; price; lovely floors; dishwasher) more than make up for the small inconveniences (many of the windows are very bad; paint peeling off the exterior of the house; etc.). We'll definitely be able to save up for a hefty down payment by next year and can get our very own place...

So, that's about it - I need to finish the Egg and jettison it back to the press by the end of next week. TD's brother comes to visit (and help paint) on Monday and then in early June we go back to the previous Dutchmanlandia to pack up the rest of TD's things and move him completely down here. True co-habitation will ensue...

What's in a name?

2010-05-11T09:47:00.004-05:00

S'okay - after going over all the fabulous names you guys suggested (Winner and Waster! Rosencrantz and Guildenstern!), I've narrowed it down to the two sets of actual twins: Guy and Miles (from Bevis of Hampton), the original Castor and Pollux, and also something that I came up with in my eternal quest to resolve the great enmity 'twixed the Houses: York and Lancaster. But, I put it to TD and asked him to decide. He thought that York and Lancaster sounded like they'd be fighting all the time; ultimately, he likes Guy and Miles because he thinks the names are funny and they're also easier to type (as opposed to, say, Romulus and Remus).

Although you can't expect me to be delivering these guys on my own in the wilderness like Josian did, I like the fact that these twins get along, don't kill one another in a dispute, and have the same father. You can't say that about all medieval/classical twinage.

When they come out, they might be given different handles, but this will do for the next few months!

Thanks guys and have fun at K'zoo!

Thing One and Thing Two Revealed!

2010-05-07T19:14:00.003-05:00

Well, it seems we're following Rebel Lettriste even further into the rabbit hole because we're having two little boys!! It's very official and there can be no doubts - the proof is in the pudding, sonogram, whatever.

I'm SO overjoyed - they're 7 and 6 ounces respectively and are very active in there (top guy was lurking behind my belly button and dodging the camera...and then decided to sit on his brother's head) - I still haven't felt them that I know of, but they're certainly doing their thing. I've lost another half a pound, so I must keep eating more. But they're doing well and their hearts and heads look great.

So, I must now solicit bloggy pseudonyms for the two lads - of course, Castor and Pollux would be appropos - are there any other suggestions?

Keep thinking while I go drink some more milk and protein powder!

Grading Exams

2010-05-07T09:43:00.001-05:00

Don't you love the part in Paradise Lost where "Satin" says it's better to reign in Hell than serve in Heav'n?

Considering that satin is indeed one of the 3 greatest sartorial scourges of all time, this makes sense to me.

I'm glad that at least 12 of my students agree with me on this.

You said what??.....

2010-04-26T07:26:00.002-05:00

I went to go see Dr. Canadienne on Friday - got to hear both heartbeats (which was cool - are they both still in there and doing okay?) - and then she told me something that knocked me flat - and, no, I'm not having triplets!

I've lost 8 pounds in the last couple of months. I'm still getting steadily more spherical (in fact, I'm as big as an 18 week pregnant woman as opposed to the 16 weeks that I really am - in 2 weeks, I'll be the size of someone 24 weeks along...blech). But she noted that (sweet, dulcet music to my ears):

"You really need to gain weight."

No one's ever said that to me before. It sounded as good as I always dreamed it would. In fact, she said that I need to concentrate on gaining weight. Try to consume as many calories as I could. And obviously I need to eat the right things, blah, blah. But still, I asked if she would say that again, speaking clearly into the mike, so I could record it and play it back periodically throughout the rest of my life.

So, I have been to the store with J, my friend who knows all about protein and gaining/losing weight 'cause she's a boxer. I came away with tofu cubes for pad thai, carrots and sour cream dip, Hot Pockets, bananas, cheese and crackers, almonds, and full fat, cream-on-the-top yogurt (which I inhale at this moment). She's teaching me the art of grazing throughout the day. When TD gets here on Friday, we're going to get a blender and make fruit smoothies with whey powder in them - 30 grams of protein!

In other news, TD made it home a couple of days earlier than he planned b/c the airline came through and rebooked him. Because he's a smart guy, he apparently had purchased cancellation insurance for the $3000 plane ticket, so he got it refunded! That money's already spent, of course, so it's nice to have it back.

This is the last week of school and should be a chill week.

Finally, I leave you with the funniest student comment I got on last semester's evals (which were very, very nice overall):

"Professor, this is a literature course, not a history course. There's no need to teach everything chronologically."

The only thing I taught chronologically for that course was doing the ANGLO-SAXON material before the MIDDLE ENGLISH material!

Would that this week were over

2010-04-20T20:15:00.003-05:00

Tomorrow is hump day - and not in a fun way. I teach two classes and have to give a short faculty brown bag presentation of my work (which is stymied at the moment). It's no biggie, but I'll be glad when it's off my plate. Thursday and Friday are no less busy. But this weekend promises to contain NOTHING but a lovely minor league ball game outing on Sunday.

Here's the rest in bullet form:

- I've reconciled myself to the fact that the Egg will not launch until the end of next month rather than at the end of this month. I can't turn my addled brain to it until classes are over.

- This weekend I had to look at proofs/provide corrections for two separate articles that are due back to the journals tomorrow - when it rains it pours.

- TD is still stuck in Dutchmanlandia and finally today bought a THREE THOUSAND DOLLAR one-way ticket from there to close to where he lives now. He'll still have to take a 3 1/2 shuttle from the airport where he lands back to the city in which he lives (not for much longer). And his car is still parked in an entirely different city's airport (from where he originally took off) another two hours beyond the city where he lives (not for much longer). Does that make sense? But if he waited for the airline to rebook him on another flight, he'd probably be there another 3 weeks. So, he had to cough up the dough and buy a separate ticket on another airline. And he still won't be back until this Saturday b/c all the earlier flights are full. F*CK THAT VOLCANO!!!

- I am growing more and more like a sea lion every day:

Stranded

2010-04-17T21:43:00.002-05:00

So, TD is stranded in the Real Dutchmanlandia until further notice - he was supposed to fly back today, but that ain't happenin'.

He's actually incredibly lucky not to be one of those poor people stuck in transit in some airport - at least he has free room and board and can just relax at home. I've told him to go drinking with his friends...

(and I know at least one of you reads this blog, so W and F - take him out!)

Recalcitrant Student Tailz

2010-04-08T08:32:00.002-05:00

I realized that I haven't blogged much about my students this semester - for the most part, they're awesome and totally funny and I dig them. There hasn't been any major ridiculousness lately (although I'm always on the look-out).

But as the semester winds down, I'm getting more and more annoyed at their laziness - it seems more pronounced this year. I don't think any of them want school to be over more than I do - I'd really just like to sleep all day and gestate Thing One and Thing Two in peace, thank you - without the hassle of having to, you know, shower, change out of my holey pjs, leave the couch...

But they're so dropping the ball that I had to shriek at them yesterday - how can they not eat Milton up??? Why were they looking at me like tranquilized wildebeests? Oh, they haven't read it. Even after I gave them a full sheet of specific passages and points we'd be discussing. People, you might be able to read a Donne poem on the fly in class and have something intelligent to say, but you can't do that with Satan's speech to Beelzebub in Book I!!!

But that's not the thing I've been thinking about most lately - I've been talking to a few friends/colleagues of mine who also teach early Brit Lit and we've been returning more often to the increased reticence of students to take and enjoy early Brit Lit courses (medieval and early modern for the most part). One of my friends got an eval last semester that just dripped with anger at having to take the early survey course - they wrote: "I didn't become an English major to read medieval literature."

??!!

I don't know what these kids think comprises an English major, but it sure as shit starts with medieval literature! They think Keats, Shelley, Eliot, etc. are literature. And sadly, some colleagues perpetuate this stereotype - i.e., that early Brit Lit is something to just suffer through as quickly as possible and then get on to the real stuff.

Another trend I've noticed more and more in my evaluations and those of friends and colleagues in similar fields is this comment: "I totally didn't expect to like early British Lit. at all - I've never liked it. But this professor made it interesting and fun."

Now, I'm extremely happy that I helped change their minds about the literature I teach - I don't expect them to change their concentrations, but I do consider that to be a small victory - I would have loved it if I had a teacher who'd made Algebra interesting and fun. But I didn't.

But what strikes me most is the fact that students feel like it's okay and necessary to use their prejudices and dislikes of medieval/early modern literature as a starting point. I'm willing to bet that no one writes, "I never expected to like modern British poetry..." - maybe they do - I never teach those classes, so I don't know. But more and more I get the sense that students think that 19c and on is the "real" literature and everything that came before is just tedious religiosity, brutish warfare, and the Oppression of Women (I exempt Shakespeare from this b/c many of them feel like they have to like Shakespeare - I like Shakespeare, too). I personally wasn't hugely interested in modern literature when I was in school - I found Faulkner et al. terribly boring. But I would never have begun my comments on an evaluation with a phrase like, "I've always hated this literature, but now I find it okay."

So, in the end, it seems more and more like I and my colleagues (and I only say this for the places I've taught - not in general) start consistently in the red and must dig ourselves out of the basement. I mean, I guess I'll take an evaluation that reads, "I didn't feel like poking my eye out with a fork when we read Margery Kempe, so she's a good professor" - but why can't we begin on the first floor an go from there? Does it mean that I'm a better teacher than others because they don't want to throw themselves in front of a bus? I don't compare myself with my 19c or modernist colleagues based on evaluations (because I honestly don't know what their evals are like) - but departments certainly use them as way to assess performance in relation to others coming up for tenure.

Does an "excellent" rating of a medieval professor count for more, less, or the same as one for a modernist? Are they assessing me and my specific way of teaching the literature I love and study or are they just saying, "She adds an extra spoonful of sugar to help the medicine go down"?

What experiences with this situation have you all had??

F*ck Yeah, Baby!!!

2010-04-05T15:44:00.004-05:00

TD got the job at Think Tank!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

3 years of commuting ends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so happy I could bust - he's having to take a bit of a pay cut, but it'll not really be a cut when you factor in the thousands of dollars we'll save not buying plane tickets and having two households. Plus, there's the unquantifiable mental and emotional toll of commuting that will now be alleviated.

It's going to be so weird living together again. Who is this stranger who's here all the time? Wait, and what are these other two strange things????

Awesome.

Random Bits of Cottontail Fluff

2010-04-03T09:03:00.002-05:00

It is going to be 79 glorious degrees today - spring has sprung! Dogwoods blooming, daffodils emerged, azaleas starting to bust out, Bradford pears in full show...

And I will be in my office today working on Egg - at least my office has a big window to look out and see the various species in nature...I just wish I could open it.

So, here's what's what:

1) Uno and Dos are well - I'm into the second trimester now and seem to have a touch more energy.

2) Egg chapter revising continues to swim along - in re-reading this, I'm thinking it might actually not suck.

3) Yesterday I went and looked at a FIVE BEDROOM house that I believe we are going to rent for next year. It's for sale, but the market is slow and the seller is willing to take it off the market and rent it to us for a year. If we like it over the course of the year, we might be able to buy it (it's actually very reasonably priced). It's an awesome house, built in 1925 with tons of potential. The kitchen needs a bit of a re-do, but it's fine for a year. We will have our bedroom, manatee room, TWO offices, and a guest room! Some of the rooms are small (one of the offices especially), but really - how much room do you need for an office and guests? Anyway, tons of windows, great big living and dining room. I want this house.

4) There might be some good news with TD and Think Tank. I do not say it's definite or even likely, but it might potentially maybe bode well.

Give me your thoughts on this: Think Tank group leader sent an email on Thursday with a new subject line of "Think Tank Job Opportunity" and wanted to set up a time to chat on the phone with TD either the end of last week or early next week. She asked TD to send her a bunch of times and they'd coordinate. So, he did and they're going to talk Monday morning.

Now, doesn't this sound positive? If they were going to tell him that he didn't get the job, would they perversely set up a time to tell him? Would they use that subject line in the email? Or would it just be something like "Update"? Keep in mind that TD has gone entirely through the interview process, so they are no longer doing final interviews or anything. This is decision time, folks!

So, whaddya think?

Twinage

2010-03-27T06:50:00.002-05:00

Okay, so TD and I have processed this a bit more and I can honestly say I'm abso-frickin'-lutely overjoyed. Insta-family. One epidural, one delivery, straight to menopause as far as I'm concerned. I'd never conceived of myself having more than two kiddos at all, so this is GREAT! TD has been tearing up for the past 24 hours and is so happy.

So, here's a bit more about the situation (in case you're interested) - the twinlings seem to be fraternal (thank you Uncle Clomid - although there's a chance they could be early split identicals) - they have separate everything (placentas, etc.), so that reduces the risk significantly. ALTHOUGH, upon talking to my mother-in-law yesterday, she informed us that TD has two cousins (brothers) who both have sets of twins. Ahem. Never knew that little tidbit.

The big thing now is that they need to cook thoroughly, so I might be on bedrest at the end of the summer (as though I wouldn't be laying around listless already). Rebel Lettriste just had 38 1/2 week full term twins (you're my new hero, lady!), so I have a goal! Dr. Canadienne (new name for our baby doc who is from Quebec originally) said that all looks fantastic and that if I can hold out past 35 weeks, she'd be very pleased. I'm at 12 right now.

Here's how it went and how we're apparently the furthest along parents to find out they're having twins in the history of the very large, modern OB-GYN practice we go to:

(*Darkened room, MW lays prone on the table, TD hovers nearby, we squint at the screen*)

Ultrasound tech: (*making conversation as she boots the computer thingy up*) So, how far along are you?

MW: 12 weeks today!

UT: Cool! Almost through the first trimester - quite an accomplishment.

MW: Yep - whoa! Is that blob the baby??

UT: Uh-huh - two strong heartbeats...lemme see if I can get a better picture...

MW: Exsqueeze me? Two?

UT: Yep. One. Two.

MW & TD: (*in unison*) WHAT??!!

UT: You do know there's two in there, right?

MW: No, there's not. Look again.

UT: No need, see for yourself...Baby A and Baby B.

(*MW & TD squint harder and see one manatee twitch and then a second manatee twitch!!*)

MW: Holy shit. Babe, how are you??

TD: (*mouth open*) F*ck.

UT: (*shaking with silent mirth*) I've never had anyone going into their 2nd trimester not knowing there were two - didn't you have really bad morning sickness?

MW: I never had morning sickness. What the hell - shouldn't someone have caught this? Babe, are you okay?

TD: (*voice muffled from putting his head between his knees*) We have to think of more names...

MW: I have to finish my book, like NOW.

So, that was it - we have pics of Uno and Dos (handily labeled b/c I can't tell which end is up) and news spread like wildfire throughout the practice. Apparently, no one ever did a check on the quantity of the hormone in my blood, they just confirmed what the 75 home preg tests we'd done indicated: we were pregnant. We only heard one heartbeat on the doppler and didn't think to look for a second one!

These are the good things about having twins:

1) The diaper period will be over for both our kids at the same time. Sweet.
2) All of my twin friends say the bond between twin siblings is amazing and fun - no toddler getting jealous about the new baby, etc.
3) We have nothing to compare it to, so it won't be twice the work. It'll just be the work.
4) I'm sure there's more, but I can't think of it. It's 8:30AM and I'm already wanting mac and cheese...

My most immediate concern is getting this book manuscript revised and OUT - the Egg will shove off again next month!!! I have the fall semester as maternity leave and then the fall of my 5th year as research leave - I'll teach 2 classes in the spring semester on autopilot. I believe I will get no research done in AY 2010-2011. Maybe I'm wrong, but if my book is under contract before the aliens emerge, then I'll feel damn secure.

Didn't see that coming

2010-03-26T17:23:00.002-05:00

We went for our ultrascreen today to check for chromosomal abnormalities in the manatee.

All is well!

Oh, and we found out we're having twins.

Medieval Manatees.

Still processing. More later.

Quick Bleg - Ovid

2010-03-13T13:24:00.000-05:00

What is the standard scholarly edition of Ovid's Metamorphoses?

Pride goeth before the stomach flu

2010-03-09T10:27:00.002-05:00

So, after bragging about my hobbity eating schedule, I was waylaid by a horrible stomach flu on Saturday night.

Oh. My. God.

I have never been that sick. I was so weak on Sunday that TD literally had to help me walk from the bedroom into the living room and back. Not a pretty sight. Even yesterday, when he went back to Dutchmanlandia, I couldn't do much other than sit on the couch all day.

Finally today is better - no queasiness or other untoward physical symptoms; I slept well last night and I can actually get some work done. This is my spring break and I'm foregoing a trip to see TD so that I can WORK ON MY BOOK MANUSCRIPT AND GET THOSE REVISIONS DONE!!!!

In the midst of all this I worried about how this bug might effect the nascent manatee, but TD looked it up and apparently it doesn't hurt a baby b/c it's confined only to my digestive tract. Lovely.

Oh, but in cool news, we heard the heartbeat on Friday! It was very strong (she said) and it was a good sign to hear it so strong so early in the pregnancy! It sounded like a little propeller.

So, now it's a manatee in a "chopper."

I am become a hobbit

2010-03-05T22:04:00.002-05:00

More than usual.

I now eat first breakfast, second breakfast, elevensies, lunch, second lunch, and a later snack.

One of my grad students commented the other day: "Every time I see you, you're eating. It's just like Brad Pitt in Ocean's Eleven."

O Dutchmanlandia!

2010-02-25T08:26:00.002-05:00

Well, it's not looking like TD got the job at Think Tank. Of course, we don't know for sure because we can't get the leader of this research group to communicate with us! It's been almost 3 full months since his visit. He emailed this woman in mid-January just to ask if she had any information she could share about how the job search was progressing, he was still interested in the position, etc. Three days later she finally emailed and said that they were still interviewing and deliberating, but that she hoped to have some info for him by the end of January.

Fine.

So, last Friday, with nary a word or any communication from these people, TD emails again and asks if his application is still being considered for the position - he certainly hopes it is, because he continues to be interested in the organization, etc.

It's Thursday and he still hasn't heard anything from this woman - I doubt he will.

I'm thinking that they've already hired someone (or have made offers and are in negotiations) and that this person is either too lazy or too chicken shit to let TD know (or both). To say nothing of the gross unprofessionalism of not responding to emails for days at a time (if ever!), this delay is effecting what we need to do in order to make visa arrangements for him next year.

So, um, he can come see his baby being born and all!

Fortunately, TD will get a hefty parental leave next year that will allow him to come and be here for the entire academic year with summers at either end. And his tenure clock will stop. Hence the title of this post.

But, his coming here without a job (which looks pretty certain) means that we need to get him a spousal visa so he can spend extended time here (they're good for 2 years). The longer we delay, the more that the processing period for the visa application will cut into time that he'd like to be here with me.

It's a very good thing I got pregnant (for many reasons) but it means that at least for a year, our commute is postponed. I don't relish the thought that he'd have to go back the next year if he can't get a job here during his parental leave, but I'm trying desperately not to think of that.

So, a pox on Think Tank!

As heard in the Target yesterday...

2010-02-21T08:50:00.003-05:00

Thank you all for your lovely well wishes on my last post! Medieval Manatee continues to grow and stretch its surroundings (sometimes with painful twinges) - still no morning sickness - we will go in to hear the heartbeat on March 5. Manatee emerges in early October. Craziness will ensue.

TD and I were in Target yesterday (seeking a new bathmat) and we walked by the toy aisles. We decided to walk through (after all, we need to get up to date on this crap, eh?). I was horrified by the gender coding and all the creepy dolls that exhort the little girl to "be like mommy" and grocery shop, cook, vacuum, oh, and have babies! As soon as they have a "be like mommy" neurosurgeon set I'll buy it.

So, we wander into the Star Wars figures and I start to breathe a little easier - I was raised on Star Wars figures and I had a shitload of them (which my mom GOT RID OF!!! THE HORROR!!! THE BETRAYAL!!!!). We were talking about what the cool ones were, how they looked more cartoony than they used to, whether they were making AT-AT Walkers anymore, etc. You know, the usual stuff.

I lose interest and wander off to the games (Clue! Stratego!), but apparently there was a 40-year-old man who had also been looking at Star Wars figures. After seeing that I'd walked away, he leans conspiratorially toward TD and asks, "heh, heh, which one are you looking for?" TD explains that we were just getting the lay of the land for an impending manatee arrival. The dude continues, "well, I'm looking for the Princess Leia slave figure. I've got all of the Princess Leias but that one. That's the coooooooolest one..." TD wishes him luck and goes to find me.

After he tells me this story, I realize that he'd just had an encounter with one of those skeevy, acne-ridden, geek boys of my childhood (and I don't malign all of them - some of them were my friends for better or worse) - you know, the ones who positively fetishized that image of Princess Leia in a gold band-aid and a cocktail napkin chained to the giant grub Jabba the Hutt:

Out of all the costumes she has in these movies (anyone remember the two giant danish strapped to her head?), that's the costume these guys always remember. I won't dissect the gender politics of this - I don't need to. But I realized that some of those guys never changed when they grew up - at age 40, they're still trying to get their hands on the Princess Leia slave figure!!! Gag me with a smurf.

That's why this one was always my favorite:

Happy (early) Valentine's Day!

2010-02-13T22:45:00.004-05:00

We're gonna have a baby.

(*gasp!*)

We just found out yesterday and I've been thinking: should I blog it? Should I wait? Then I thought: what the hell? If (god forbid) something does happen b/c it's still early, would I regret telling you guys? Nope - not at all.

TD is through the roof with joy (and researching how much calcium I need a day, etc.) - and I'm just trying to keep my eyes open all day long! I've decided (after looking at artists' renderings of a 6-week old embryo online) that I must be giving birth to a manatee b/c that's what it looks like.

Medieval Manatee...

I stayed up for the men's short track final, but it's now way past my bedtime...

P.S. I hereby retract this whiny post - apparently I was actually pregnant when I wrote it. Yeesh! How embarrassing...

Snore...

2010-02-02T21:52:00.001-05:00

Life is such a bore right now I almost put myself to sleep thinking about it. *yawn!*

Basically, it's been snowing here (as almost everywhere), but I live in a place where they just can't handle that, so classes were canceled Monday and yesterday. So I stayed home. And watched TV and read Chaucer. Did I work on my book ms? My Intro? Nope.

Other than that, it's been a couple of weeks of endless meetings, job talks from job candidates, more meetings, dinners with candidates (free meal, though!), and missing TD terribly.

So, basically I'm blogging to say that I'm still here, not in a snow drift.

Back to bed...

A Conversation with my Bank's Fraud Department

2010-01-22T21:05:00.003-05:00

MW: (*peeved that she's missing Star Trek: First Contact on Syfy*): "Okay, so what's this alert thingy about?"

Fraud Guy: "Yes, ma'am. There have been some irregular charges on your credit card. We need to verify them."

MW: "Whaaaaaat?!?!?!"

Fraud Guy: "Have you just charged $170 to the Family Dollar Store in Brooklyn?"

MW: "No. That's not me. THAT'S NOT ME!!!! I'm in (*redacted*)...far away from there!"

Fraud Guy: "Mmmmhmmm. Thought so. Ma'am, it appears that someone has your card."

MW: "But I have my card. I'm looking at it. Wait, are they there right now using it??"

Fraud Guy: "Yes. The last charge was approximately 5 minutes ago. We're holding the charge back to verify."

MW: "Well, if they're there, then ARREST THEM!! SEND SOMEONE TO ARREST THEM! Why aren't you ARRESTING them??!!"

Fraud Guy: "Ma'am, it's Brooklyn. We can't really do that."

MW: "Why not? People get arrested in Brooklyn all the damn time! They're THIEVES!!! FILTHY THIEVES!!! (*MW begins to realize she's sounding like Gollum...*)

Fraud Guy: "Yes, ma'am, they are. Why don't you wait just a sec while I close out your account. You won't be charged for their purchases."

MW: "Those BASTARDS!! Why don't they get a JOB and stop stealing other people's things??? godDAMMIT!"

Fraud Guy: "Ma'am, calm down."

MW: "How do they even have a card to swipe?? I HAVE MY CARD!"

Fraud Guy: "Well, they've probably either made or purchased a forged card with your number. I don't really know how they got the number. This happens all the time. We'll send you a new card."

MW: "What? They can DO that? They can just MAKE a card?"

Fraud Guy: (*begins talking slowly. Obviously I've been raised in a convent and I still believe in unicorns, the tooth fairy, the inherent goodness of mankind, etc.*): "Ma'am. I understand you're upset, but it's really going to be okay. I'm taking care of it. You can trust me."

MW: (*still ranting*) "...and what kind of LOSERS steal a credit card number and go to the Family Dollar? What kind of RINKY DINK operation is this? Wouldn't you go to get a TV or something? Don't you think that's STUPID???!!!"

Fraud Guy: "Yes, ma'am. They are stupid thieves. Your new credit card will arrive in 5-7 days."

MW:(in a voice laden with shrill self-righteousness*) "Well, THEY'RE GOING TO GET WHAT'S COMING TO THEM!!! THAT'S KARMA!!! THEY'LL GET THEIR COMEUPPANCE! WHAT KIND OF JAIL TIME DOES FRAUD CARRY??"

Fraud Guy: "Dunno. Have I satisfied all of your banking needs this evening ma'am?"

MW: "Yes. Thank you for informing me."

Fraud Guy: "Have a pleasant evening."

And, to the people who stole my credit card number and purchased what can only be described as A WHOLE LOTTA CRAPOLA from the Family Dollar:

You may suck it.

Why January is sucking less...

2010-01-21T18:24:00.002-05:00

Because I heard from the press that has my book manuscript!

It was a very strong invitation to revise and resubmit - the editor specifically said that both she and the reader believe the book is well written and very exciting and said that she "strongly encourages" me to continue with the press by making revisions (i.e., rather than shopping the manuscript elsewhere in the hopes of an immediate acceptance). In fact, she apologized for not being able to give me a contract right away (of course, I never possibly expected that I would get a contract without any revisions!) and was generally lovely. The reader's report was thorough and kind - not a bit of snark - and was also praiseworthy as well as constructively critical.

The revisions suggested will likely only take a couple of months during this semester (quicker if this was summer) and they won't be arduous. What's interesting is that they want me to recast my thesis - at first I bridled at this b/c it seemed like I was being asked to jettison the governing concept of the entire book - "Nay!", I said. But, after reading the report several times and considering every single word (with a couple of colleagues), I realized that they want me to broaden my current umbrella term/concept (i.e., "tulips") and replace it with "flowers," which is simultaneously more easily applicable to the entire project and probably more accurate. The reader was kind of like: "All tulips are flowers, but not all flowers are tulips; you're talking about flowers, and you're doing it in a really cool new way, and you can still talk about tulips as a special kind of flower in the last half of the book, but chapter one is really about daisies." Does that hokey analogy make enough sense in an obscure, bloggy way?

What's great is that the reader and editor loved all my specific readings and the chapters - basically, what's needed is a recasting of the introduction, and then some minor revisions throughout the manuscript to ensure that I'm referencing things consistently (i.e., flowers, not all tulips).

So, joy!!! I'm so happy - I've thought about what they're suggesting and, while I at first shouted "Hell, no - tulips won't go!!!", I'm now thinking - "actually, this will make the book better, more precise, and more broadly appealing. Daisies are cool, too."

Possum Extraction

2010-01-18T20:04:00.002-05:00

Thanks for all the lovely comments on my last, highly self-indulgent post. And I would love to take Flave's advice and send bits of the possum - voo-doo-like - to all those who've wronged us - but would one possum do? Or would you need legion amounts of possum? Hmmmm....

The following is a transcription of my conversation with the critter removal folks (two, count them!, two! trucks came to my house to dispose of a possum approximately the size of a loaf of bread):

Removal Dude #1: "Yyyyuuuupp...you got a dead possum here'bouts?" (not kidding - it's a direct transcription).

MW: "Indeed! It's waiting for you in the middle of the driveway!"

Removal Dude #1: "You mean it ain't in a wall or sumthin'?"

MW: "No - the driveway. Perhaps there's another in the wall, but it hasn't died yet..."

Removal Guy #1: "Oh yeah - you pro'bly got lots uh nasty stuff in them walls..." (grins; not many teeth in evidence).

MW: (with a weak laugh) "Oh, you're one of those funny exterminators...anyway, just cart it off at will."

Removal Guy #2: (inspects deceased possum) "It ain't been dead long - it ain't bloated or nuthin' - the fur hadn't started to fall off and there ain't no maggots."

Removal Guy #1: "Yyyyyyuuuup - been dead no more'n a day."

MW: Wow - "This is really like CSI stuff, huh?"

Removal Guys: (*blank looks*)

MW: "Okay - I'll just stand to the side and upwind while you guys take care of this thing."

Removal Guys then take a shovel and a bag and put the carcass in the bag; they close the bag and put it in a plastic bin in the back of their truck. They hold their hand out for the check for $89.

MW: "Did you remove all traces of viscera?" (Because I'm nothing if not professional - and I know my CSI/Law and Order-speak thank you very much).

Removal Guys: (*blank looks*) "What?"

MW: "Well, can you clean up all traces of it? The squishy bits?"

Removal Guy #1 (the comedian) takes out a can of what looks like Lysol and sprays it on the driveway. "There. That about does it."

MW (feeling slightly taken advantage of): "Hmmm...well, okay. Thanks for coming by quickly."

Removal Guy #1: "You prob'ly got bats in that attic. You want us to look?"

MW kindly declines their offer and sends them on their way.

In response to Squadrato's excellent previous comment - you'd think that basic animal control would take care of this, huh? Unfortunately, it's not clear that they will - and of course they're closed for MLK day and I couldn't get the car down the driveway until the thing was gone. It's also illegal to dispose of carcasses in regular waste bins and I wasn't too keen on that thing sitting in my trash can for another week! So, with tied hands, I called the hillbillys and they came and took it away.

Dammit (PSA: whining to follow)

2010-01-18T13:20:00.003-05:00

Ugh - bad few days.

I've been avoiding posting for the past 19 days because I was hoping to have something - anything - joyous to post. Ya know - sparkly news about all the great things we've been waiting for to come true.

Anyway, TD still hasn't heard anything solid from Think Tank, but in response to a query he sent last week, he got a nice email from the leader of the group saying that they were still in the process of "deliberations/interviews" and she'll hope to have more information by the end of January. This was a smallish blow - we honestly thought they'd just be offering him the job. Now, they did say that they had enough work there to hire two people and be totally fine - and TD did have a really good visit there. It's just that it was on Dec. 4. A long time ago.

I'm starting to feel the cold grip of fear I have for the past 3 years - the fear that seems to suggest that we'll have to continue commuting. But we can't continue commuting and still stay us. It's really taking a toll on us and the way we are.

And I'm still not pregnant - Why goddammit why!?!?! And if one more person tells me just to calm down and it'll happen, I will send them a bomb wrapped in a Valentine's box of Frango mints.

So, I just got back from 5 days in Dutchmanlandia - I haven't seen the sun (literally!) in 5 days. It was like being on the frickin' Ice Planet of Hoth - but with no cool AT-AT Walkers or creepy snow beasts or tauntaun riding!

1) TD and I had a big big fight.
2) I just got home to find a dead 'possum in the middle of my driveway. I have to pay someone $90 to come and get it.

2010

2009-12-31T17:19:00.004-05:00

I don't have enough energy to recap an entire decade, or even a year, actually (despite just waking up from a 3-hour nap). We're going over to our friends' house tonight to ring in the New Year - it's gotten to be a bit of a tradition (although last year we were in Cali) and I'm very big on tradition. I'm just happy that we're spending the New Year together.

All I will say about the next year is that all of our dreams - TD's and mine - will come true.

2010 is our year.

Bon MLA...

2009-12-21T17:03:00.002-05:00

I'm saying Happy Holidays to everyone, but I'm especially saying GOOD LUCK to all the MLA-ers out there who will be interviewing, etc. I've sent the ninjas on your behalf already, they're camping by the Liberty Bell, but you won't see them because they're too quick!

Went to see Avatar the other night and actually loved it despite the crazy Dances With Wolves meets Matrix meets Return of the Jedi meets Lord of the Rings meets Aliens plot and racial politics. For a really interesting (and typically well-written) reading of the movie's (potential) racism, see SEK's post and his declaration that the Jake Sully avatar is actually "Braveheart Smurf"...

Brilliant...

Cinnamon-Sugar Roasted Almonds

2009-12-11T16:24:00.002-05:00

This is for Sisyphus - I can rattle this off from memory because it's the easiest frickin' recipe EVER! And it's insanely quick...I got a bunch of cheap pint jars at a crafts store (99 cents each), threw 2 cups of these almonds in and tied a ribbon around it - Insta-gift!

Cinnamon-Sugar Roasted Almonds

Ingredients:
4 cups raw, un-messed with almonds
1 egg white
1 tsp. vanilla
1 cup sugar
1 tbsp. cinnamon
1/4 tsp. salt

Directions:
1) Preheat oven to 250 degrees; line a jellyroll pan or big cookie sheet with parchment paper (you could also grease the pan lightly - but parchment paper rocks and it's worth getting a roll, I think).

2) Lightly beat the egg white; add the vanilla and beat until frothy, but not stiff (you can do this with a fork in 30 seconds).

3) Add all the almonds and mix them in the egg white until they're coated (1 egg white does actually coat 4 cups of almonds!)

4) Mix sugar, cinnamon, and salt together; add them to the coated almonds and mix until they're coated.

5) Spread the almonds evenly in the pan.

6) Cook for 1 hour, stirring a bit at 20 minute intervals (just to make sure they bake evenly and they don't all stick together).

7) Let them cool completely and store in an air-tight container!

Yummers!

Random Bits of End-of-the-semester Fluff

2009-12-10T21:44:00.002-05:00

Things Done in the Past Week:

1) Article revised and resubmitted
2) short-term grant application written for major archive
3) 5 letters of rec written
4) 4 batches of cinnamon-sugar roasted almonds made
5) 7 jars of hot fudge sauce made
6) 16 mini pound cakes baked (8 at a time)
7) Much edible holiday cheer spread around the department

Things To Do By Next Wednesday and Beyond:

1) Grade 27 undergrad revisions
2) "Look over" and assign grades to 12 grad essays
3) Put together syllabi for next semester (previous syllabi just need tweaking)
4) Read and comment on Ph.D. dissertation by late January
5) Sleep

"Touch Wood" Nota Bene:

TD had his visit/interview with Think-Tank on Monday and it went very well - he was exhausted by the end of the day, but he felt positive. They said they will have a decision by early January (the holidays delay official things a bit).

BUT I'M NOT COUNTING OUR CHICKENS YET!!!!!

Renewed!

2009-11-30T18:53:00.003-05:00

Dream Academy has given me 3 MORE YEARS! Yeah baby!

Now...to tenure....get back to work...

Not Thankful...but kinda...

2009-11-26T09:47:00.003-05:00

I'm so incredibly sick. I'm morally certain I have a sinus infection. It was a horrible cold last week that went away a little bit over the weekend (fortunately, I could attend and give a reading at the last of our Amazing Wedding Season weddings - that's all five finished!) - but then it reared its ugly head again over the last few days that I've been in Dutchmanlandia. I no longer have health insurance in this country (although I do have dental through TD's plan - got my crown replaced yesterday) - so we're going to go to a walk-in clinic and just pay out of pocket unless they'll take my health insurance for some reason. All I need is some Amoxicillin - that will set me to rights. A nice week-long course of Amoxicillin. Hmmmmm.....it's amazing how much I'd pay right now for some antibiotics - I fly home on Saturday and I can't fathom how much pain I'd be in if I had to fly feeling like I do right now.

So, I'm decidedly NOT thankful for feeling like hammered shit and for not getting ANY of the grading done that I'd planned this week (I've been sleeping a lot).

But, I'm thankful that we make enough money that I can go pay out of pocket for medical care and antibiotics if I absolutely have to - many people can't, and that's a sad fact. Opponents to Health Insurance reform can suck it.

More Fluff:

We will still have Thanksgiving dinner tonight - just the two of us. The menu is as follows:

1) Spiral-cut honey ham (I'm SO happy it's not turkey - I smell a tradition brewing)
2) Mashed potatoes (what else?)
3) Pan-sauteed brussel sprouts with caramelized shallots, bacon, and blue cheese (TD loves brussel sprouts, so I gave in rather than make the same green bean casserole).
4) Apple crumble pie
5) antibiotics and iced tea (for me), wine (for TD)

Tomorrow, we go to IKEA to get a Poang chair for TD.

Gobble, (*sniff!*), Gobble....

This makes my head hurt...

2009-11-17T09:03:00.000-05:00

I'm only half way through a stack of 30 essays and I already have two cases of egregious, take it straight off the internet and change a few words plagiarism. And they will fail the class for this. What pisses me off the most is that it takes me an hour to determine that there's plagiarism and then find it online so I have the ammo I need when I confront them.

Sigh. Tired sigh.

Why do they do this?? It's SO obvious...

Random Bits of Sunday Fluff

2009-11-08T20:27:00.005-05:00

Yawn.

I've had a fairly productive weekend, but there's still so. much. more. to. do.

Things I Have Done This Weekend:
- 3 loads of laundry
- made and ate dinner (burrito and steamed veggies)
- finished narratives for 3rd-year review
- made the majority of revisions to an article (do I have the stamina to do the last teensy few tonight?)
- renewed ALL my academic society memberships (this was satisfying)
- vacuumed the living room (including couch cushions - woo-hoo!)

Things I Have Left To Do (not necessarily tonight):
- finish the last bits of article revisions - the sooner they're done, the sooner I can send them back!
- fold laundry
- read for my grad class this week
- GRADE. Oh dear god, I have to GRADE 30 papers! Can I do this by Thursday? If I grade 10 a day. I can do that....shit.

I'm heading for the tub.

swoon!

2009-11-06T15:52:00.001-05:00

I just had an hour-long hot stone massage.....

(*begins drooling again....*)

'nuff said....

Halloween Huh?

2009-11-02T17:22:00.003-05:00

At what point did adult female costumes all become "Sexy [insert character here]"? You can't buy a pirate costume, it has to be a sexy pirate costume. You can't be a Devil, it must be the Sultry Slutty Devil. You can't even find a damn regular elf outfit for a woman without it being a "Ho-Ho-Whorish-Elf"! I can appreciate that there are some costumes that are sexy by nature - take a French maid outfit. Okay - garters and plunging neckline are prerequisites there. But (and now I'm sounding like your Grandma Betsy) why do many women have to dress up as sluts first and then the character du jour a distant (and incidental) second? A ghost with a push-up bra? What the hell?!

Thus ends this year's Halloween rant...

Good news yesterday....and....zzzzzzz.....

2009-10-28T21:39:00.002-05:00

Okay. In order to function over the last 3-4 days, I've needed at least 10 hours sleep. So, I go to bed at 10:30 and wake up at 8:30. I'm *exhausted*! This is not the usual medieval woman I'm used to being. I used to stay up until 2am working and getting my shit done. Now, I'm in bed sawing logs at early-bird special time (for me anyway)!

My good news is that I heard from the journal I sent my most recent peely-offy article too and they have accepted it and said very nice things - the reader wants me to make some really minor changes and the editor wants me to tweak the intro a bit. I'm most happy about the fact that this piece was really my book project in miniature - it was a few pages of my general argument and then basically my second chapter (pared down a bit). If the reader didn't like this article - if they thought it wasn't plausible - then there's a good chance that a reader wouldn't like my book manuscript. But, best of all, the reader said that my methodology could be extended to read other texts in the same genre as this one in interesting and new ways. Woo-hoo! I happen to have done that in several other chapters! Do you want to be the reader for my book manuscript, too?

So. I'm not going to prep for class tonight. I'm not going to write the narratives for my reappointment dossier (it's not due for a few weeks anyway). I'm not going to grade any more papers. I'm going to go to bed with my bad-ass grandma self and bang on the walls with my cane when the freelance gnomes get a little too crazy in that mosh pit they've set up in the kitchen...

Crazy Student Tailz

2009-10-20T21:15:00.004-05:00

I am so irritated at my students today. They were such complete slackers!

It reminded me a little bit of some student antics about a year ago - I happened to see this student again today and I was reminded of it.

We were reading and discussing John Donne's Holy Sonnets that day (so awesome and brilliant!) and I got a phone call from this student saying that s/he needed to talk to me about why s/he wouldn't be in class. S/he said, kind of breathily,

Student: "Uuuuum....I won't be in class to discuss those poems today because....uuuuuum....I'm a Christian and, uuuum, these poems offend me as a Christian (pronounced "Chrissss-chin?" with the slight rise in tone at the end)...."

MW: "That's great. So was Donne. It'll still count off of your attendance grade."

Student: "Uuuuum....but I'm a Christian and it offends my personal beliefs to read these poems about God battering them and stuff."

MW: (?!?!) "Well, okay. But you do know that reading and discussing the poems in no way necessitates your subscribing to their particular theology, right? And how is it that none of the other texts we've read this semester have posed a problem?"

*Paging Dr. Summoner anyone?*

Student: "Yeah. But that was all Catholic and medieval and stuff. But I'm a Christian and this offends me."

MW: "I'm sure that most Catholics (modern and medieval) would be offended by the suggestion that they're not Christian. Nevertheless, it's on the syllabus and class attendance is required, so this will count as an absence."

Student: "But that's penalizing me for my religious beliefs!"

MW: "Indeed, I'm not. Religious beliefs are not an acknowledged illness or family emergency and, thus, I'm not excusing it. You're making the choice to stay out of class and, if it is because of fervently held religious beliefs, then you need to be able to accept the consequences of your actions. In this case, the consequences are pretty mild. The Lollards didn't have it so easy, as you might remember."

Student: "Buuuuuut....."

MW: "Might your offense coincide with the fact that it's right before Spring Break and you already have 4 absences in this class?"

Student: "That offends me..."

Has it been this long?

2009-10-19T14:58:00.002-05:00

Okay, WTF? Have I been in a time warp? Kidnapped by aliens? Where have I been? I'm asking you that like you know...

I'm breaking the silence! I've been tuning in to the blogs of others but haven't been in the mood to blog myself. But, I returned from Medieval Pop's wedding yesterday (indeed, they got married) and so I thought I'd dive back in before embarking upon yet another crazy week.

This will take bullet form:

1) The best news first: TD has been asked to come out for a visit and talk at Research Think-Tank (hereafter known as the Tank)!!! I'm so happy. It's been hard to try to get a time set for the visit to take place, but it will happen in early December. It's not (or at least it doesn't seem to be) because they're having other candidates out - in fact, TD posed many different Mondays over the next month and a half and for various reasons (all of which they were forthcoming about) it couldn't happen. Their research group is spread over 3 different states and during most of the other times TD could come (i.e., when there wasn't a wedding to go to!), various members of the group were traveling or they had some company-wide event to attend. So, he'll go out then and we hope they'll like him and hire him!

2) This news is particularly good because neither one of us is going on the academic job market this year - there aren't ANY jobs in our dismal lists that coincide geographically even a little. So, the Job Market Gnomes are sitting around and watching daytime TV, eating pop tarts, and generally growing squishy around the edges. My band of ninja warriors are considering subcontracting out for a while until I have a secret mission to send them on - if anyone knows of a small dictatorship that needs toppling in the next few months, their rates are reasonable.

3) I just recently went on a lovely trip to give a talk at a friend's college - it's so nice to be an invited speaker! I was on their college website as an event! The talk went well and the people and students were delightful.

4) I (blessedly?) still haven't heard about my manuscript or the article I sent out. I pray for the reprieve to continue through the end of the year. But now I'm starting to think that I should begin to consider my second project, whatever that may be. I know that many people already have their second major project in mind - but I don't. Jesus, how do I start to think of one? I feel like it took me so long to think of the first one! Maybe I should just play it a little cool for the next year and write a few articles? And work on getting this most recent book ms published, of course.

5) My birthday was last week - MW is now 35. I spent my birthday in an airport in transit from my talk visit. But tonight friends are taking me out to tacos and this weekend I got to see TD, so it has been the week-long birthday celebration.

6) We might have more great news soon....hmmmmm....

Settling In...

2009-10-04T06:12:00.002-05:00

Yawn. Up at 6 this morning. I'm allergic to mornings this early. It has been a lovely weekend though; it's the first one in forever that I'm not traveling, stressing over the manuscript, or had visitors. After returning from a marathon stint in The Real Dutchmanlandia (only 2 1/2 days - which was stupid), Medieval Mom came to visit for a full week 2 days later. In the middle of the semester. And I had to peel off an article from the book and have it done right smack dab in the middle of her visit. Ugh.

The trip to TRD (see above) was wonderful, just very quick. We went for a weekend wedding of one of TD's best friends. Left Thursday night and flew overnight arriving in TRD mid-morning Friday, colossally jet-lagged and barely coherent (I can't sleep on planes). On Saturday was the wedding. We left our hotel at noon and did not return until 3am Sunday morning. Slept a little and then we were up on Sunday to visit his mom and brother; that evening was dinner with his dad. Back to the hotel at 10-ish to pack and try to get some sleep before we had to wake up at 4am to get our flight. Well, I was so high strung that I couldn't sleep at all, so I didn't. We were on the plane at 8am the next morning but had to sit there for 2 hours while something was repaired; finally went aloft for our 7 1/2 hour flight back to hub airport where TD and I had to part again to go back to our respective countries (sadness). And, b/c we were 2 hours late getting in, I had to run to catch my connection and we barely had time to say goodbye (more sadness). That was 2 weeks ago and we're traveling so much this month that I won't get to see him for another 2 weeks.

Medieval Mom's visit was ill-timed. She constantly talks - I mean all the time. A running commentary on life that makes me want to bang my head against the wall. And then I felt guilty for not entertaining her more. But I had to write an article. And prep for and teach a graduate class.

Anyway, it's been a helluva tough couple of weeks (hence the bloggy silence), but I'm finally settling into my life. I'm making an overnight trip next week to a colleague's school to give an invited lecture, but that will be an easy jaunt. Then the next week we go to another wedding...

Sorry to vent and whine! I'm going back to bed.

Egg's Away!!!!

2009-09-13T17:25:00.003-05:00

It is done, complete, finis, cooked, printed, boxed, and ready to be shipped across the Pond tomorrow! I have been petting the Egg in preparation for its journey; giving it all kinds of good vibes; willing it to be compelling and clear.

Today, I finished it and then hesitated a moment. "One more read-through?", I thought. Then I suddenly got nauseated at the thought of looking through it one more time, so I made the chapters into pdfs and loaded them up to Kinko's. That's how you know it's ready to send off!

I went to get a celebratory milkshake and headed off to Kinko's to pick up the manuscript. When he gave it to me, I took it out of the box and held it up in front of me (just like Excaliber) and said, "this is my book!" - and the little old lady behind me actually clapped. It was very sweet. The Kinko's guy just sighed dramatically and shuffled off.

Now, it's home to eat leftover pork fried rice...

Updated to Add: It was a "Banilla" Milkshake from Steak 'n Shake - side by side vanilla and banana...yummmmm.....

Random Bits of "So Close"...and NEWS!

2009-09-12T08:59:00.004-05:00

Okay - the Egg is almost done. And I do mean almost...but, in honor of Sisyphus, who needs something to read, even if it's a boring old random To Do List, here's what's left on the Egg and the State of the Medieval Woman Union:

Egg To Do:
1) Look at my notes on a couple of last critics to insert paragraph into "Woefully Bad But At Least In Existence" Conclusion.

2) Look at last romance text to beef up section in "Woefully Bad But At Least In Existence" Conclusion.

3) Find certain page number ranges for a couple of articles in the bibliography.

4) Do one more pass through of the footnotes in the MS.

5) Quickly proofread and revise "Woefully Bad But At Least In Existence" Conclusion. How much better will it get? Not much. But at least it's done. Did anyone else's Conclusion kind of suck? It's not badly written, it's just uninspired...

6) Make chapters into pdfs and upload them to Kinkos to have them printed out.

7) Write cover letter to editor.

8) Send the f*cker out! BY MONDAY! Woo-hoo!

Random Bits of Early Semester Fluffage:
1) Classes going well - haven't really been able to think about them as much as I'd like with Egg still hanging over my head. Grad class is exhausting.

2) TD and I will meet up in a Hub Airport this Thursday evening and fly to the Real Dutchmanlandia for a weekend wedding. We'll be back on Monday. I hope to grade response papers on the plane.

3) I don't like taking my temperature every morning and peeing on sticks. It's tedious.

4) I'm going to give an invited talk at a grad school friend's school in October. She said they can pay airfare, hotel, and a modest stipend. What college out there has money for this right now? Not that I'm complaining...

5) [TYPED WHILE TOUCHING AS MUCH WOOD AS I CAN; IN FACT, I SHUDDER TO EVEN TYPE IT] TD has a good lead on a job here, not in academia but in a research think-tank (about an hour away). He met with a dude in one of their many research groups who has ties with the Dream Academy. He told TD that they were looking for someone with TD's specific skill set and research focus and said to let him know when TD applied so he could track his application. Several days after the very nice meeting, TD gets an email from the leader of this research group (who's stationed in another state, but some of them are); she had spoken with the first dude TD met and wanted to set up a time for a phone conversation. This happened Monday and they talked for an hour about "possibilities at [Insert name of company here]." She said that the next step is for TD to send them a sample of his work and she would look at it and circulate it among the rest of the group. He should also fill out the company's general application form online. Then, they'll decide if they want to invite him out for a visit where he would give a talk, etc. and they'd basically see if he was crazy or cool and someone they'd like to work with (the last part is my interpolation). Because the company is so massive (largely gov't contracts) and employs so many different specialists in various fields for numerous research groups, it seems like TD will just need to be liked and desired by the members of this particular group (and perhaps some closely related groups), as they are the folks he'll be working with.

But, there you have it - all the info I have. I'm trying desperately not to speculate on his chances, what it would mean to us if it succeeded, etc. This is veeeeery hard for me because, after all, my full name is:

Medieval-"Overspeculates about Jobs"-"Eats 2 Twinkies A Day"-"Dances with Job Market Gnomes"-Woman

Seriously, it's on my birth certificate.

So, with that I give you what's happenin' around here - I'm off to Chick-Fil-A and then to my office to do some work. Tonight, I'm going with my friend J to Chili's and to see the new Kate Beckinsale flick. Can you see an eating pattern emerging? Wait, was it ever submerged???

The Oddest Request

2009-09-05T22:40:00.002-05:00

The 59-year-old gynecologist of a former student of mine recently emailed me and wants me to be his tutor in Anglo-Saxon.

Huh.

I'm not sure how I feel about my name and profession coming up during...that kind of interaction. How uncomfortable...

Post-Beach Letdown

2009-08-31T07:48:00.002-05:00

Ugh.

We snuck away to the beach for one last hurrah before TD heads back to Not-Quite-Dutchmanlandia on Saturday. Needless to say, this has me very upset (the departure, not the beach). We've had a lovely 4 months of living like an average married couple...together! And I always get highly maudlin when it's time to give that up. But it's the same old tune coming from me...

Almost the second we got back, I was sitting on the couch and Furball #2 attempted to hoist her ancient girth up onto the back of the sofa and she slipped. The next thing I know, she's yelping and flopping around trying to walk - her back right leg wasn't working properly! So, I freaked and took her into the Emergency Vet Clinic. 5 long hours and $346 later, we find out that - thank god - the leg isn't broken and that she probably has some kind of soft tissue damage. It's likely just a bad sprain. So, we get *expensive* meds to give her to manage the pain and bundle her home. She's favoring it quite a bit - limping around the house...but she's okay. She probably has some early arthritis - the vet kept calling her an "Old Girl", which irritated me. She's only 11! That's advanced middle age!

Sitting in the Emergency clinic was no fun. Being in a mixed-species space reminds me that dogs are most often favored by vets. Not that I don't love me some dogs! But cats tend to be second class citizens in a mixed-practice in my opinion.

But, that odyssey completed I'm now back and ready to teach this week. Well, actually, I'm not ready to teach - and I haven't finished revisions on my last chapter yet. So, that's what I'll be doing today.

When do I shove it out of the nest??

2009-08-24T23:55:00.002-05:00

Hey, folks. My timer on this Egg of a manuscript is almost up. I'm sending it out (supposedly come hell or high water) by Sept. 16. I've only got one more chapter to make small revisions on; then revise my Intro (again, not much to do); oh, and I need to write some semblance of a conclusion.

But *OH!* the wringing of hands! The gnashing of teeth! Just when I'm coming to the end, I'm balking!

So, I need to pose a question to the interwebs (and Notorious, Squadrato, Dr. Cleveland, Heu Mihi, Dr. Virago, and all others who have submitted book manuscripts and even had them published, this is a shout out to ya'll in particular!): at what point is it *ready* to send out?

Now, this might seem like a completely ridiculous question - how the hell do you guys know when my stuff's cooked enough? However, something tells me that at the heart of that subjective query is a seed of objectivity. This is because I think we all tinker with our work and resist sending it out "too early" - for some, that threshold is farther away, for some it's much closer. But it's there. I'm familiar with the "okay to send out" threshold with articles, but I'm a book manuscript virgin and I'm nervous. This means more to me, there's more at stake.

I could spend another 3-6 months polishing this sucker, making all the transitions as smooth as glass, clearing up every possible awkward phrase and point, having countless friends and colleagues read drafts. But I'm not sure it would be fundamentally a better manuscript. It would be spit-shined to the gills, but not substantively better, I think. I feel like, as it stands now, it's clear, well written (I'm sure that some sections are better written than others), and it's an interesting critical intervention. It's spellchecked and revised - there are no unconnected fragments of ideas or random "insert discussion of X here" left floating around. I feel like it's pretty solid, if a little squishy around the edges in places. But is this how all first submissions are? Or are they all as absolutely perfect as they can get?

Given my total intellectual stasis at the moment, I wanted to ask what you thought about when a manuscript is ready to be sent to a publisher. Any and all thoughts are appreciated. I'm sending this to a publisher who's already expressed a lot of interest and will, I think, send it to a sympathetic reader - i.e., someone interested in finding out how it can be an even better book rather than looking for reasons to dump it. And it's only going to one reader to start.

Help me, Obi Wan...

Random Bits of Late Summer Fluff

2009-08-09T08:21:00.005-05:00

I'm finishing a draft of my Intro today, so I'm not up for a substantive post (do I even do that anymore?) - but I want to blog more regularly...so, a Fluff List seems appropriate.

1) Within the last 2 weeks, TD and I and friends went to see a Def Leppard concert (I ain't sayin' where) - it was AWESOME! But I felt my age - not just because of those around me (although that was eye-opening as well) - but because of my knees. I can't stand for a 3-hour heavy metal concert anymore (including opening acts, which also rocked)! So, during some of my less favorite songs or power ballads, MW had to sit down. The shame....

2) Also, last weekend, we went to our best friends' blessing - it was amazing - we had so much fun the whole weekend! I cried a bunch (tears o' joy) and ate and drank a ton. I got to see Flavia and her gentleman friend and also got to see Dr. Cleveland and his significant other. So, many new friends!

3) I stopped taking my A*mbien 3 nights ago (damn detox) - this is the first time I've slept without chemical aids of some sort for about 4-5 years. I have bad insomnia and I'm a very light sleeper. It's been...okay. I've slept - not much - but I've slept. However, I've also discovered the full extent of TD's snoring. We're gonna have to do something about that.

4) I've been asked to submit an article to a journal I've always wanted to be published in! It would be part of my book project (from which I've only yet taken one article) - but I'm excited!

5) I've recently discovered Amy Butler fabrics - cool! I can't sew at all (I can re-attach a button...) BUT, there are people on Etsy (to which I'm now truly addicted) who can sew things for me - it's like having craft gnomes...

6) Speaking of gnomeage, I've sent the job market gnomes off to summer training camp. They were hoping for a more exotic locale, but all I could afford was Pensacola. They have a full schedule while they're there: 1) shuffleboard, 2) job letter workshops, 3) tai chi, 4) photocopier repair classes (ours is always breaking down), and finally, 5) intelligence gathering seminars. The gnomes need to have all the information before anyone else has it if they are going to deploy my band of ninja warriors at all effectively during this particularly tough job market season.

The ninjas are always prepared, therefore they need no training camp. So, they're in the kitchen making potato salad.

A giftie from between the writing cushions...

2009-08-05T15:04:00.002-05:00

So, I'm typing away at my Intro (*type, type, chip, chip, type, type...*)

And I'm wondering why the word count is still so low ('cause I look at shit like that all the time)...wtf?

Then, I decide to see if the word count thingy on Word is showing the count including footnotes, and...it's not!

Sproing! My document just gained 10 pounds! (not unlike the food-baby I seem to be carrying at the moment - thanks to the Doritos and PB&J...and the cookies, and the bowl of leftover beef stew)

I like my Intros curvy...

Thoughts on academic intros

2009-07-26T14:58:00.003-05:00

I have a question I thought I'd ask - what do you think makes a good academic introduction? Obviously clarity, ability to convey what the book is about, etc., but I'm wondering what intros any of you thought particularly worked well. Short and sweet? A little meatier? To anecdote or not to anecdote? I've been reading around a lot in intros of books I particularly like (not necessarily in my topic, but just well-written) and I've begun to formulate a sense of what I like in an intro. And given the fact that most people will just be reading the intro to my book (or glancing through it to see if what I'm saying will be helpful to them) and maybe a chapter or two I've written on a text that interests them, I think this is a critical, though woefully unsung, part of the project. It also might be the section that the readers end up giving me the most help on...

For example, I tend to be a fan of the short anecdote or illustrative example at the beginning of books. I've reviewed books - one in particular - that drew the reader in with a very salient, interesting reading of a specific historical example/phenomenon and then opened it up from there. I found this to be very effective. I'm thinking of beginning with two textual examples from completely unrelated sources (and centuries for that matter) because they illustrate different facets of my argument - juxtaposing them seems to do an interesting kind of work and I think it will provide a nice entree into the book proper. What are your thoughts on this?

By the way, somehow I've ended up with two pristine copies of Helen Cooper's "The English Romance in Time" (Oxford UP 2004) - if anyone wants it, I'm happy to give you my extra copy! Just shoot me an email...

Allow me to introduce myself...

2009-07-21T19:55:00.002-05:00

Okay. That's a cheesy opener - but that's what I'm doing. Writing my Introduction. This is a challenging sub-genre of academic writing - the book introduction. I have a draft from way back when, but it's not that compelling. So, I'm re-reading notes, reading other intros to extract interesting structures, etc. But I'm resisting the notion that I need to read everything ever written about my subject and reference it in my intro. So, once in a while I scream out - "Stay away from the lit review!" in the same voice that wee little Tangina Barrons screamed at a disembodied Carol Anne Freeling: "Stay away from the light!"

And now I've lost the will to discuss my Introduction or my writing process at the moment. See how easy it is to distract me? Okay, so we'll close this stimulating post with a few Random Bits of Fluff:

1) I don't like recycled toilet paper. I'm trying to but I'm not liking it. I don't want to destroy baby forests, but I'm really not liking it and I remain unconvinced that it'll just take "getting used to" as TD says.

2) 3 weeks ago I went off some medication and I've had the most horrible withdrawal symptoms - really really bad. So bad that if I'd known what was in store for me I never would have gone on the medicine (form of SSRI). And after reading some people's stories on the web, I've realized that I've actually gotten lucky with this - my symptoms are waning and I'm feeling close to myself again. For some people it's so bad that they can't take the withdrawal and go back on the meds.

3) TD and I are fleeing to the beach this weekend in a semi-impromptu getaway. Very nice.

4) My grad class for next semester is almost completely planned, including readings scanned and posted on Blackboard.

5) Next week I will go to my best friend's wedding and I need to get some pantyhose.

6) Ohmygodmylifeissoboring.

Signing off...

Summer Burn Out

2009-07-11T10:46:00.002-05:00

Oh man, am I feeling it. I've almost completed 3 chapter revisions so far and I'm overdue on this one by 3 days. Curses! I'm having a tough time keeping up this pace, but I need to get it done this summer! Too much other shit must happen in the fall. I can't believe I'm actually looking forward to the semester starting when all I'll be doing is teaching and working on an article or two - at least for the blessed downtime before the job market begins again and I get the readers' reports back on the manuscript. But hopefully that will take a while!

Sigh - just wanted to gripe a bit. Back to it...

Well Done, Roddick!

2009-07-05T13:09:00.002-05:00

Mary Carillo just said it best: Roddick lost to the number one tennis player of all time, barely. It was such a good match and Roddick has played so well the entire tournament and I just want to do a little shout out to the kid - I hope he comes back and wins it next time...

Today's 4th of July Menu

2009-07-04T09:09:00.004-05:00

I'm going to cram in a few hours of frickin' work on this frickin' chapter before we begin making our part of this banquet, but here's what we'll be consuming today - and it's really the essence of what it means to me to be an American and independent and all that jazz...I've noted which ones I'll be making:

- Sangria (MW)
- Watermelon coolers (non-alc. fruit drink)
- Beer
- Sliders on the grill (w/carmelized onions) (MW)
- nitrate-free hotdogs
- shrimp skewers
- tomato and leek pie (MW)
- parmesan spinach dip and chips
- grapes (MW)
- strawberry shortcake

There will be six of us, but with the job market gnomes (who are digging out the tiki torches as we speak) we will be Legion. We may or may not make it to the fireworks...

Let's Get Physical

2009-07-02T15:45:00.003-05:00

As I meander through this latest chapter (and I do mean meander), I am also starting to think ahead to the fall and what I need to do physically to prepare for the topic of my last post. This means major detoxing, shearing off all unwanted and un-needed additives in my life.

Now, I'm a hoarder. I hoard all kinds of things (much like the dragon in Beowulf...grrr...) - I hoard Cheetos, cake, Coke Zero, pounds, Miller Lite, and medications. I like additives. A lot. But, I'm determined, so I've begun peeling off certain meds (I need to talk to my doctor in mid-August about going off my last one and I'm holding onto my Ambien until I absolutely need to give it up). And I'm also trying to shed some poundage - TD and I watched some WebMD clips that noted the need to be at a healthy body weight becoming "with sprog" and my eyes bugged out instantly until the doctor qualified it with "as close as possible to your ideal body weight" - even a moderate weight loss is beneficial. This seems more manageable given the fact that I'm also trying to finish my book at the moment - I'm in no frame of mind to go completely cold turkey on my little yummy vices at this point.

Toward this moderate goal, however, I'm going to the gym a couple of times a week, I'm eating better (bulking up on the folic acid, with food and supplements), and have recently begun yoga twice a week. Now this is my kind of workout! Why did I never do this before? I can wear lovely flowy clothes and do comfy, contortive (though often delightfully strenuous) things on a cushy mat. I can be barefoot while I exercise! So, I have jumped into this with both (bare) feet - I just purchased this yoga mat set - love the color! I know it's kinda "matchy-matchy"...

Sigh, back to work!

Amphibologies

2009-06-24T18:35:00.002-05:00

This is actually a word used by Chaucer in Troilus and Criseyde to refer to the ambiguities inherent in prognostications culled from the gods - basically, these divine words are open to interpretation.

I use the word here not to refer to anything so deep as, say, the ultimate outcome of the Trojan war (which, as it turns out, is not at all open to interpretation, as much as Criseyde would care to differ), but in reference to our future - mine and TD's. Not about whether we'll have a future - we're strong as can be - but about what comes next for us. I won't recap yet again our odyssey to seek employment near to one another - ya'll know that rap already. That quest continues this year (MLA meet-up anyone?? Sis, I know I'll see you there, lady!) - but we've decided to wrest a bit of control over our lives from the job market this year. We've made some decisions about pursuing medieval babies.

I won't say anything further until it's time - and this is all academic at this point (or actually, we're making it decidedly not academic) - but we've started thinking about our future, what we want, what will happen, and we've made an awesome plan. And so, we're simultaneously seeking to eliminate amphibology (keep waiting for the market to hurl up the perfect situation for us? Hell no!) and also giving in to the amphibology (living together? Knowing what the future will bring career-wise or financially? No way!).

We've just made a choice to embrace the amphibologies of our lives and we're sort of trusting that things will work out...resistance is futile and if you build it, sprog will come...

Egg Update

2009-06-12T21:45:00.006-05:00

Ooooo, this is a slippery chapter! It has often wriggled away from me and left me sitting lost and alone in front of the TV. Or lying on my back with a fun book next to me. Or surfing on the IKEA website. It's veeeeery sneaky.

But, I've done okay with this guy so far - the Egg Gnomes (for now, re-tasked Job Market Gnomes) have downgraded the chapter's status from "DEF(MEDWOM)CON-4 = Gaping Crevasse of Doom" to "DEF(MEDWOM)CON-2.5 = Smallish Pit of Periodic Despair with Pinpoint of Light at Far End."

My process with this chapter revision has been feast or famine - I worked the other day for 7 hours - the next day I did zilch (except lie around and moan). Over the past 3 days, I've written 3800 new words for this chapter - I'll cut some out, but it's definitely grown more than it's lost (of course, I could also be talking about my ass at this point)...

However, I discovered something fortuitous tonight. It snuck up on me like finding a ten dollar bill wedged into the couch cushions - I'd already done some revisions on this chapter last year! Wtf? How could I forget that? I have no memory of it, but it must have been me b/c the handwriting's the same. There's still more to do, but--damn--that was a nice find!

So, I have 6 days left on this chapter before my letter-bomb from Deadline Facist arrives in the mail (I must insert proof of revised chapter in order to disarm it and save my neighborhood from incineration). TD is in Dutchmanlandia until next Thursday, so I have all the opportunity in the world to get this sucker done! Then we go visit Medieval Pop for Father's Day.

In frivolous news, I splurged on an hour long massage today - it was soooooo great (Obviously...what massage sucks? That's like saying you had a good orgasm. "Paging Dr. Redundancy"...). But I felt very bourgeois...I will also start going to "gentle yoga" when we get back - I'm trying to find non-pharmaceutical outlets for relaxation - hopefully I can slowly wean myself off my meds by the fall!

Molehill behind me....Gaping Crevasse still to come

2009-06-02T16:15:00.006-05:00

[*post written to the dulcet tones of "We Are the World" on Sky.fm 80s*]

First off, the molehill (it seemed bigger before I crossed it): my book manuscript, for better or worse, is completely drafted (still need to write the conclusion and bits of the intro, but you get it - it's completely egg-shaped - the beef is there, folks).

I've kept the first deadline that Writing Guru/Deadline Facist set for me and I'm damn proud of that. And I think this latest chapter is pretty good (ask me tomorrow when I read over it).

Now, to the Gaping Crevasse of Doom that sits before me like a nasty troll calling me a punk-bitch and telling me to bring it on...

[*why do I hate the sound of Bob Dylan's voice?? The MAN CAN'T SING!!!*]

...I have to begin revision of the two earlier chapters. The first one is the one I fear, the one that keeps me up at night longer than my Ambien should allow. Even when the Job Market Gnomes sing lullabies and give me warm milk.

But, to the chapter. It's the one in the book that doesn't quite fit as well as it should - everyone has this, right? Right??? Thought so. I've done some conceptual work on it (talking at TD over a beer - he stared blankly and nodded - he's such a good piece of sounding cardboard...). I think I can work it in pretty well - even highly interestingly. But it will take work, big work, hard work. And I'm afraid of what I'll find on the other side.

At least it's written, though! I can work with written...I've given myself 2 full weeks on this next chapter - no traveling, nothin' - just work.

But Egg is drafted! Yay!

In the pipe

2009-05-25T11:55:00.002-05:00

Yep, I'm in the writing pipe at the moment - just cruising along (see wordmeter stage right) - I met with my writing guru/deadline facist and she put me on an ambitious, but do-able writing regimen for this summer. Seriously, she cracks the whip! But I'm going strong and it feels great to have a plan. At this rate, I'll have the book finished, revised, and sent out to the publisher by Sept. 1 - aaaaaaarrrrrrrgh!

My motivation is helped immeasurably by having someone at the other end of this saying, "gimme." Otherwise I might very well drag it into the fall semester. But, I can hand it off in Sept. and then do other things, like write an article and teach a lot of students....

Back to work!

Random Bits of Early Summer Fluff

2009-05-14T13:56:00.003-05:00

Since coming back from Kalamazoo, I've graded all graduate papers and turned in grades, so I'm free of that. Shockingly, I had no academic integrity issues this semester...

I've just awakened from a 2-hour nap and find that I have the whole summer ahead of me, a summer filled to the rim with work, but at least it will be MY work! So, tomorrow begins the "Odyssey of Completions and Revisions of Egg" - I'm meeting with my writing friend/guru for coffee next week so she can plan my schedule and stalk me if I don't deliver. But for now, here's some ephemera from Medieval Woman HQ:

1) Went to the dentist today for cleaning and to check on a tooth that's been a bit sore and sensitive. Everything looks fine, he says - no decay. But, I've have so many silver fillings from when I was younger (80s vintage) that they won't last forever. Eventually, I can get cracked-tooth syndrome (jeezus!) and they'll have to crown the offending tooth. But for now, he says - have a nice day! Come back if it gets worse. This is cold comfort.

2) I've found an upholsterer (indeed, I had needed one). She's coming by today to pick up the chair that's being redone, but she's also going to take away our sofa seat cushions because they are like fricking pancakes a meager 2 YEARS AFTER PURCHASE!!!!! So, she's going to have them properly restuffed or refoamed or whatever. But, this means that we'll be left with a single chair to sit on in the living room for a week and we'll need to move in one of the office chairs so we can watch Law and Order.

3) Tonight, I must get decked out in my regalia for our department ceremony - we will all look like little, waddling Medicis.

4) TD has been given his own office again in the dept. at Dream Academy - at least through June, so that's lovely! Everyone he saw was very happy to see him back - you people think you can get a Dutchman for free? Nyet! You must hire him or we both walk! So far, I haven't been able to make this threat real, but I'm working on it.

I pretty much got nothin' else....

Quick K'zoo Update

2009-05-10T08:20:00.002-05:00

1) Paper went well - was very happy with turnout!

2) Saw lovely friends - blog and non-blog - and made some new ones (Notorious - so lovely to meet you! And Stephanie T. as well!)

3) Best thing: met with lovely press and she said she was extremely interested in the project and wants me to send the entire manuscript when its' done in a few months. She said she thinks this is "definitely something we'd like to pick up"...

YAY!

I'm heading back to Detroit in the Cadillac I rented...boo-ya.

See you at the 'Zoo!

2009-05-06T20:43:00.000-05:00

Okay - we're on for Friday morning - Mugshots in Valley I - 8:00 AM

There will be about 15 of us!

The ninjas will go early to save seats...

Squeeee!....and a query

2009-04-30T16:24:00.002-05:00

N'kay.

So, a wonderful publisher has contacted me out o' the blue and asked to set up an appointment at an upcoming conference (3 guesses as to which conference) to discuss my book project (actually, I've heard from 2 presses, which is nice). However, I'm overjoyed b/c this one *particular* press is one of my first choices - they have a series that would be perfect for my specific subject and the editor has expressed enthusiasm for building up the series. But, I don't yet have a proper proposal (this will happen in a couple of months, but I haven't begun officially shopping it around).

Now, I'm sure this is just a 15 minute, "tell me a bit about your project", etc. meeting and I know they'll be meeting with a lot of folks at the conference. But, I know that some of you have experience with this kind of conference/publisher meeting - what are your thoughts? What should I bring (obviously not the manuscript or anything!), but I'm thinking an abbreviated CV, a paragraph or two on the project along with a table of contents. Any other advice? Experiences like this?

I'm Baaaaaack: A Pollyanna Post

2009-04-28T09:08:00.004-05:00

It has been spotty blogging this semester - but I take comfort in the fact that many bloggers are experiencing the same thing. And I read and comment regularly, so you know I'm here. I'll post a final reminder about the K'zoo meet-up early next week...

But, things have been going excellently at Chez Medieval Woman this semester. I don't know why - it's been a lot of work and I've had ups and downs, but I'm enjoying life immensely. I've been spending a lot of time with friends, but also getting my work done. In fact, I wrote 7 pages on my last chapter on Sunday. And I got all my grading done in one day (I was a bowl of mushy goo after that, but it was done...). I'm done with classes, just the obligatory reviews, exams, etc. to go.

All the health problems I was having at the beginning of the semester when we realized that we'd be commuting for another year have come under my control (some chemically aided, but that's okay). My blood pressure is down, I've lost 10 pounds, I'm happy and chipper and sleeping well.

And, best of all, TD arrives tomorrow morning for 4 months! I haven't seen him in a month (what does he look like again?) - damn the price of airline tickets!

In case you were wondering about the Magical Creatures, the job market gnomes are on the lanai sunning themselves. Tomorrow they will begin writing the narratives for my 3rd year review case next fall (I told them that they had to be flexible in their job descriptions or I'd outsource them). And the band of ninja warriors are hanging upside-down tomato plants.

If anyone wants to come by this afternoon, we're having sangria at four!

I want you to hold my hand...

2009-04-20T11:31:00.001-05:00

...like we're going steady, okay?

I need your opinion.

If a book manuscript is around 75,000 words (including notes and bibliography but not including index), is that okay?

I luv bananas...

2009-04-16T16:50:00.001-05:00

Ten Top Trivia Tips about Medieval woman!

The Vikings believed that the Northern lights were caused by medieval woman as she rode out to collect warriors slain in battle.
Ancient Chinese artists would never paint pictures of medieval woman.
Medieval woman was invented in China in the eleventh century, but was only used for fireworks, never for weapons.
Only one child in twenty will be born on the day predicted by medieval woman.
You share your birthday with medieval woman.
99 percent of the pumpkins sold in the US end up as medieval woman.
Research indicates that medieval woman will be attracted to people who have recently eaten bananas!
If you blow out all the candles on medieval woman with one breath, your wish will come true.
Human beings are the only animals that copulate while facing medieval woman.
Medieval woman can drink over 25 gallons of water at a time.

Whither the apostrophe, kids?

2009-04-11T10:35:00.002-05:00

So, in my large classes I don't have them turn in much writing - I simply can't grade all of it and maintain sanity and a research agenda. But, in addition to exams, I have them turn in a couple of specific 1-2 page writing exercises - it's not a formal paper per se, but it is some kind of synthesis and discussion of the material. For the most part they were good in my undergrad class - a lot of them really tried and made the assignment something interesting.

However, there's a disturbing trend that I've noticed over the past couple of years and I want to know if it's spreading: the inability to use apostrophes to make possessives!

This goes way beyond the classic "its/it's" problems and they're not seeming to have problems with conjunctions (which I ask them to avoid using in papers, but I choose my battles and that's not one of them for this semester). What this is is things like: "The Reeves Tale", "the husbands anger at the adultery", etc. They're not under the assumption that there's more than one Reeve or Miller - they just don't conceive of the need to use an apostrophe to make possessives.

Wtf? Is this something they're just not teaching kids anymore? Is this skill slipping through the cracks? What I'm talking about is a systemic problem that plagues not only average but above average students and I've only seen it in the last 2-3 years (even at different schools).

This is my diagnosis: text messaging - J'accuse! What say you?

Final Arrangements - Kalamazoo Blogger Meet-Up

2009-04-07T12:18:00.003-05:00

Okay! I've just been released from grading jail at last - we're going to meet up at 8am on Friday, May 8th in "Mug Shots" inside Britton-Hadley Hall (Valley I). I'll be there about 15 minutes early to grab some spaces (it shouldn't be insanely crowded at that time) - maybe Heu Mihi would agree to come early as well to help me wrangle chairs?? (*gives puppy-dog eyes*)

If everyone who's coming could give me a quick comment here to say "YAY", I'll get a count and horde chairs accordingly.

More regular blogging to resume soon...

K'zoo Blogger Meet-Up: Take Two

2009-03-29T10:41:00.003-05:00

All right - it looks like a lot of folks will be there, which is great. We're going to do 8AM on Friday before Heu Mihi and Dame Eleanor and I have to toddle off to give our papers. There seems to be some question about Mug Shots being open that early, etc. - how about the Gatehouse Cafe in Valley III? They open at 8am and if we get there when they open we could get a table easily.

Please let me know your thoughts on this - I'm glad the time proved pretty easy to agree on!

I have a new gray hair...

2009-03-25T22:07:00.005-05:00

Three of them, actually. They live right next to each other at my left temple. Together, they comprise a gray "streak," I've decided (which sounds sorta cool).

Because these newcomers are many, are a collective, are legion, I've decided to name them...oh, say...Chaucer.

One is named "Graduate Chaucer," one is named "Undergraduate Chaucer," and one is named "the Grading of Chaucer." Paper Bear, Mama Bear, Baby Bear. These hairs are a perfect microcosmic representation of my life this semester. Highly intense! I'm loving my classes so much, but they are all-consuming; they give so much but they take even more. It sounds like I'm on the Therapy Channel...

I teach my grad course on Wednesday nights and when I get home I'm too wired and "on" to crawl into bed and fall into the coma I deserve and yet I'm too exhausted to do any real work. This is why I'm blogging my gray hairs. And trying not to notice the look of disgust on my Blog Dashboard's face...

"You don't blog for 11 days and you're blogging...this? Wtf??!! I feel so cheap..."

When I returned tonight and dragged my ass in out of the rain, I found new gifties from the cats (nice weather = shedding = increased furball-age) and began cussing a blue streak while still standing in the front doorway (which garnered a scornful accusing glare from Furball #2 - "ungrateful bitch! It was a gift!!"). And then noticed that my highly religious conservative neighbors were having a late dinner party next door with the window open. Sweet. Bible-thumping eyes bugged out. Bible-thumping noses pressed up against the window screen in disgust.

The only thing left to do with this evening (other than close this rambling blogpost) is to retire to the couch with a Bud Lite and watch Kung-Fu Panda.

Kalamazoo Blogger Meet-up

2009-03-14T13:05:00.001-05:00

Is it too early??

It's never too early - if we don't plan it now, all our schedules will get filled up! S'okay - I will take point on this (unless someone else has/wants to) so Dr. Virago won't have to do it for the 5th year in a row! ;)

This is just the feeler post:

Who will be there?

Who wants to meet up?

When and where? Suggestions?

Bring it on!

Updated to add:

It's looking like Friday morning, early breakfast/coffee is best - I present at 10am, so maybe 8am? Is this too early/late? People can come and go at will...what is that coffee shop on campus?

Notes from Captivity: Day 5

2009-03-10T10:39:00.003-05:00

I feel like an indoor cat.

Yesterday I left the house for the first time in 2 days. I made TD take me out to dinner and to Home Depot.

Why have I not left the house? Because here in Dutchmanlandia it is crazy-cold, nasty, precipitating in bad ways, and I am without a car when TD goes up to campus (he is not on Spring Break). Also, there's nothing to do here; nowhere to go; no one to see but TD (do I sound like a whiny 8 year old yet?).

I have always had a vexed relationship with Dutchmanlandia and, more specifically, the city in which he resides and the university where he teaches. There's never really been a place for me here except in this apartment. So, coming here for a week is great because I get to see TD, but there's not much more going on and that's a little...stultifying. It's not like when we're at Medieval Woman HQ we're clubbing into the wee hours of the morning or anything (except the Job Market Gnomes have now hung a disco ball in the kitchen and, when I left, they were beginning construction on their tiki-bar). But there always seems to be stuff to do, people to see, friends to hang out with. And TD will be able to get his own campus office when he comes for extended stays. It's home, and here is a weigh station. So, I read and took notes on 5 articles yesterday and made some serious headway. The day before I caught up on my HGTV (deelightful).

When TD came home last night, I had my face pressed against the window, eyes bulging, manic look on my face. He said, "you look like Furball #1 when he wants the window open." Yes! I want to gulp in the free air! You can take me to McDonald's! Wendy's! I don't care! We need to get something at Home Depot?? No sweat! I'm you're gal!!!! And as we walked up and down those vast aisles, I beamed at everyone who walked by, chatted up the key-making dude, etc. It was a proper outing.

We have also been to see the much awaited movie, Watchmen. And I thought it sucked canal water. Leave aside the fact that it was sexist, unnecessarily gratuitously violent (this coming from someone whose favorite movie is Predator), the costumes were lame, it was chronologically confusing, not very action-y, and it was an hour too long. The worst part?

Blue schlong.

Not to put too fine a point on it. Dr. Manhattan's blue schlong was all over this movie and it was like it had a frickin' tractor beam! I couldn't look away and not in a good way. Why do we need to see that? And I understand that it's a big thing that they're finally showing male genitalia in movies when they've been showing nude women forever, and this one is pretty main stream, so it's a statement and whatever. But it was big. And blue. Oh, and he had butt implants. Big blue butt implants. Ghastly.

I'm sure that there's just something I'm not getting about how good the movie is - it's been getting great reviews and for those fankids in the know it's supposedly a good representation of the comic, etc. But TD and I looked at each other and went, "Huh?" at the end of the movie. But there were sour gummy peaches and Coke Zero on tap at this theatre, so the night was, overall, a success.

Dirty Looks, Snow Days, and Other Bits of Fluff

2009-03-03T11:04:00.002-05:00

Oh my god, I've never gotten such dirty looks from my students after an exam! Several of them were seen to either glare at me and roll their eyes or even mumble in response to my "have a good weekend!", "Um, I'll...try..."

But this is what I've come to expect from the new breed of students who blame their professors for the fact that they haven't done the reading or taken notes during the lectures. Quick hint, little dudes: when I talk about the genre of a certain CT and write "romance" on the board and then define it? That's not just to work out my left hand. It's not just so I can feel the intense tactile pleasure of chalk on skin. I'm not Prof. Dickens - I do not get paid by the numbers of words I write!

I have a new word for these students: baby-slackers. They slack, but they're infantile about it. If you're gonna slack, then do it. Own it. Accept that it was your decision to slack and not something forced on you by...me, for instance. Of course, there's the usual cadre of students who ace the exam because they studied and they rock and they're smart (or at least thorough) and they're the reason I still love to teach.

In other news, we had a snow day yesterday (as did so much of the Eastern seaboard - I could be anywhere! Mwahahahahaha!) - but, even better than the fact that I now only have to teach once this week before jetting off to sunny, tropical Dutchmanlandia for Spring Break on Friday: TD was trapped here for an extra day this weekend! So, yesterday we went to the diner for breakfast, went to some friends' house to hang for a little while, graded, ate leftover meatloaf and mashed potatoes, and went to see a movie. Joy.

I've accepted the fact that my life is largely boring at the moment and highly unblogable. "Pulling at the plow" is not a fun topic for a blogpost, but that's what I'm doing. Oh, I had an article rejected, but in a very nice way, so I'm sending it out again with no muss, no fuss. I'm convinced that this was because the day before I had not recommended another article for publication for another journal - bad karma! Oh well, that's wackademia...

Lazy Saturday

2009-02-21T14:00:00.002-05:00

Hm, it looks like I'm doing the once a week blog thing - I am reading all of yours, though, I promise! On Thursday of this past week I had a migraine so bad that I was sick as a dog all day - couldn't keep anything down and felt absolutely like death warmed over. But, I've rallied from that (I only get one like that a year or so and it was stress induced - I had locked my jaw while asleep) and now I'm up at the office getting stuff DONE! I have my club sandwich and diet coke nearby. My music's on, I'm ready to go.

Other tidbits:

1) I have recently discovered a new gadget: the sweater shaver. This is awesome! I shaved two of my sweaters that looked like they needed to be forcibly shoved into rehab they had so many pills. Now, they're clean and sober.

2) Furball #1 had his last thyroid check yesterday (to test the success of his nuclear experience) and he has a perfectly clean bill of health - he's gained almost a pound and his thyroid level is even a bit low (but not into hypothyroid levels), so it looks like the procedure was a success! And his early heart condition has even cleared up b/c his thyroid is no longer wonky.

3) It must be almost spring because Miss P, the blind lady next door, has begun to surreptitiously feel my lawn again. Apparently the wild chives in our yard have sprung up recently b/c I hear these little trimming noises once in a while (*clip! clip! clip!*) - it's like being forced to live in a grooming salon.

I got nothin' else...

Happy Heart Day and Other Bits of Fluff

2009-02-14T09:12:00.005-05:00

The stress level at Medieval Woman HQ has been off the charts. So much so that my blood pressure has spiked into "Immediate Stroke" territory. My doctor actually peered at me to see if I was still breathing and asked: "Are you a little jumpy lately?"

"Yes," I replied with eyes bulging.

So, I'm on a host of new meds to help reduce anxiety and bring the blood pressure down into life-sustaining levels. One thing about me - I wear all my emotions on my sleeve. Literally. My body can't hide anything. I would be the worst spy on earth - the first one discovered and dispatched by the enemy. TD was his usual wonderful self and got me a block of 5 massages so I'm going every week for over a month to have her work out the knots in my neck and shoulders (where my legion of stress fiends reside). And I'm eating better.

Why so stressed, you ask?

Because we've now heard that ABSOLUTELY NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING IS WORKING OUT FOR US AGAIN THIS YEAR!!!!!!

The other university that had offered TD the job and was pushing us to make a decision in 20 minutes renegged. Not for funding reasons but because they suck and they got their panties in a wad when we wouldn't capitulate to their ridiculous timeline. (My ninjas have put them in their "black book" of universities who will receive weapons-grade anthrax in their Arbor Day cards this year). We put them off because we were honestly thinking something would work out at the Dream Academy. It was a calculated risk and it backfired, but them's the breaks. I don't regret making that choice and I'm not unhappy about our decision to put them off. However, this does mean that my husband continues to work at a place that will never employ me and that we have to do all of this again next year.

Hence the stress. Put off plans to live together, save money together, have baby together, etc. for god knows how long.

This week has also been the week from hell and it's finally over - woo-hoo! Job candidates have been through and it's now over. I had some extra university work to do this week and it's now over. So, last night I languished at home, cleaned, made chicken burritos, and generally felt great. Today is lunch with friend and then dinner with more friends. Tomorrow is work. Monday is massage morning and margarita night.

I'm looking forward to the summer (who isn't?) because it's going to be very chill. TD will be here for 4 months and I've just had to drop out of a summer conference abroad because I can't afford it - travel funding here is very wonky because of budget issues and I can't afford to pay anything out of pocket this year (not with $3300 in taxes to pay). But, this means that we will:

1) Work lots - I'll finish my book manuscript
2) Go camping frequently
3) Grill many burgers
4) Perhaps go to the beach with J&A

No big trips, no big conferences, no big shakes. Just work and relax.

Ahhhhh....I can feel my blood pressure going down already....

God won't help you either

2009-02-01T10:57:00.002-05:00

What follows is an email conversation earlier this semester between Prof. Medieval Woman and Desperate Student (slightly edited):

DS: "Prof. MW, I see that your class is full - is there any way at all you could overload me into the class? I only need this class to graduate and I will be an asset to your class, I promise. This is the only class that fits my full-time work schedule."

Prof. MW: (*looking through 4-5 of these kinds of emails*) "Hi, DS. Sorry, I'm not able to overload into this class at the moment. But, enrollment is fluid early in the semester, so keep checking the online enrollment thingy and if you see a space, grab it!"

DS: (*next day*) "Has anyone dropped the class? Should I come to class on Monday in case anyone isn't there?"

Prof. MW: (*typing with Cheetos fingerprints on the keyboard*) "Not yet, as the online registration to which we all have access indicates to me as of 5 minutes ago. If someone isn't in class on Monday, they haven't necessarily dropped the course, so I advise continuing to monitor the registration online. I myself do not keep a waiting list because of that system. There are already 4-5 students who want into the class and if I let one overload in, I will feel obligated to let all of them in."

DS: "But I really need this class! I appreciate your integrity; it's such a big part of our characters. You seem like such a wonderful educator. I'll be waiting to hear from you."

Prof. MW: (*now banging head against the keyboard in frustration. Cheetos fingerprints now transferred to forehead. Seeing stars. Cheeto-colored stars...*) "Thank you. Unfortunately it really doesn't seem like anyone is dropping the course. My suggestion would be to try to find another course that fits your schedule. Best of luck this semester."

DS: "If you can find it in your heart of hearts to let me in, I would be eternally grateful. Until you do, I'll keep checking back with you and just trust God to find a way."

Prof. MW: "God isn't getting you into this class either. Expect the restraining order to arrive by 5pm today."