Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Notes from Captivity: Day 5

I feel like an indoor cat.

Yesterday I left the house for the first time in 2 days. I made TD take me out to dinner and to Home Depot.

Why have I not left the house? Because here in Dutchmanlandia it is crazy-cold, nasty, precipitating in bad ways, and I am without a car when TD goes up to campus (he is not on Spring Break). Also, there's nothing to do here; nowhere to go; no one to see but TD (do I sound like a whiny 8 year old yet?).

I have always had a vexed relationship with Dutchmanlandia and, more specifically, the city in which he resides and the university where he teaches. There's never really been a place for me here except in this apartment. So, coming here for a week is great because I get to see TD, but there's not much more going on and that's a little...stultifying. It's not like when we're at Medieval Woman HQ we're clubbing into the wee hours of the morning or anything (except the Job Market Gnomes have now hung a disco ball in the kitchen and, when I left, they were beginning construction on their tiki-bar). But there always seems to be stuff to do, people to see, friends to hang out with. And TD will be able to get his own campus office when he comes for extended stays. It's home, and here is a weigh station. So, I read and took notes on 5 articles yesterday and made some serious headway. The day before I caught up on my HGTV (deelightful).

When TD came home last night, I had my face pressed against the window, eyes bulging, manic look on my face. He said, "you look like Furball #1 when he wants the window open." Yes! I want to gulp in the free air! You can take me to McDonald's! Wendy's! I don't care! We need to get something at Home Depot?? No sweat! I'm you're gal!!!! And as we walked up and down those vast aisles, I beamed at everyone who walked by, chatted up the key-making dude, etc. It was a proper outing.

We have also been to see the much awaited movie, Watchmen. And I thought it sucked canal water. Leave aside the fact that it was sexist, unnecessarily gratuitously violent (this coming from someone whose favorite movie is Predator), the costumes were lame, it was chronologically confusing, not very action-y, and it was an hour too long. The worst part?

Blue schlong.

Not to put too fine a point on it. Dr. Manhattan's blue schlong was all over this movie and it was like it had a frickin' tractor beam! I couldn't look away and not in a good way. Why do we need to see that? And I understand that it's a big thing that they're finally showing male genitalia in movies when they've been showing nude women forever, and this one is pretty main stream, so it's a statement and whatever. But it was big. And blue. Oh, and he had butt implants. Big blue butt implants. Ghastly.

I'm sure that there's just something I'm not getting about how good the movie is - it's been getting great reviews and for those fankids in the know it's supposedly a good representation of the comic, etc. But TD and I looked at each other and went, "Huh?" at the end of the movie. But there were sour gummy peaches and Coke Zero on tap at this theatre, so the night was, overall, a success.

6 comments:

Contemporary Troubadour said...

I have to laugh -- the word verification I've been given for this is "roomins." Describes captivity quite well, no?

It's amazing how a little outing makes such a big difference. Glad Home Depot provided proper adventures, etc. Sorry Watchmen was a dud. I have colleagues who love to teach it in its graphic novel form, and they haven't said anything about the adaptation. Perhaps I should warn them.

Sisyphus said...

Damn! Those job market gnomes love to party! (or par-tay, depending.)

Mine, being on the West Coast, have taken to smoking the chronic and holing up in front of my tv constantly: "Duuuude, bring us some more Cheetos while you're up!" they keep telling me. I swear, they eat me out of house and home.

I thought that maybe using Job Market Ninjas would work better, since they have much more focus and drive, but I couldn't get them to understand that they shouldn't be killing the search committee members. So I guess I'm stuck with the slackers instead.

squadratomagico said...

MY word verification is "Cogent" -- no lie!

I hope I don't dream about blue schlongs now... the smurfs must be jealous of his big one.

Good Enough Woman said...

This is an awesome point. Here are the highlights:

-You as Furball #1
-You "chatting up" the key-maker
-It "sucked canal water" (which seems perfect for Dutchmanland)
-"Not to put too fine a point on it."

Great visuals. Very funny. Danke!

Good Enough Woman said...

No, WAIT! I forgot another highlight:

Your favorite movie is Predator.

Ink said...

I laughed so hard reading this post that my head kind of hurts now. So hilarious and descriptive. Bravo.

Am glad that Home Depot was good, at least!