Monday, January 18, 2010

Dammit (PSA: whining to follow)

Ugh - bad few days.

I've been avoiding posting for the past 19 days because I was hoping to have something - anything - joyous to post. Ya know - sparkly news about all the great things we've been waiting for to come true.

Anyway, TD still hasn't heard anything solid from Think Tank, but in response to a query he sent last week, he got a nice email from the leader of the group saying that they were still in the process of "deliberations/interviews" and she'll hope to have more information by the end of January. This was a smallish blow - we honestly thought they'd just be offering him the job. Now, they did say that they had enough work there to hire two people and be totally fine - and TD did have a really good visit there. It's just that it was on Dec. 4. A long time ago.

I'm starting to feel the cold grip of fear I have for the past 3 years - the fear that seems to suggest that we'll have to continue commuting. But we can't continue commuting and still stay us. It's really taking a toll on us and the way we are.

And I'm still not pregnant - Why goddammit why!?!?! And if one more person tells me just to calm down and it'll happen, I will send them a bomb wrapped in a Valentine's box of Frango mints.

So, I just got back from 5 days in Dutchmanlandia - I haven't seen the sun (literally!) in 5 days. It was like being on the frickin' Ice Planet of Hoth - but with no cool AT-AT Walkers or creepy snow beasts or tauntaun riding!

1) TD and I had a big big fight.
2) I just got home to find a dead 'possum in the middle of my driveway. I have to pay someone $90 to come and get it.


BarbS said...

I'm so sorry you and TD had a big fight! {{{hugs}}} I know firsthand how stressful the uncertainty of knowing what is going to happen next can be, and it's hard not to have that stress come out in bad ways, like fighting. And the disappointment of things not working out the way you thought they would makes it even harder. I'm not going to tell you what everyone told me, which was to just hang in there, things would work out, I was too good or too nice to not get the perfect job eventually, etc. I know that it was well meaning, but it was bullshit, especially in today's academic market. All I can tell you is that you have people who care about you and who say this kind of shit 'cause they don't know what else to say. And that no matter how bad things get, you'll get through them, because really, what is the alternative? And as hard as it can be, especially when your partner has all the same stresses and disappointments, you need to try really hard not to take it out on each other, because the person you need most right now is each other. And yes, commuting sucks (I'm currently 1500 miles away from hubby), but it is doable. It sucks when most of the burden falls on one partner (bills, maintenance, etc.), but we try to think of the time we spend together almost as dates, rather than time to deal with all the external crap. It helps. So does dealing with the external stuff over the phone or IM. I hope things get better soon!

squadratomagico said...

I'm so sorry your year is beginning on a sad note, MW! I'm sending big hugs and support and fecundity vibes your way!

(But, I also can't help saying that I'm *shocked* that your town or city or village charges you 90 bucks for 'possum removal! Isn't that the kind of public service that your local taxes pay for -- or do you live in a place that doesn't believe in that?)

Anyway, more hugs and sisterly solidarity for you:


heu mihi said...

I'm sorry, MW! I'm really hoping that everything works out for you guys very very soon. And hey, they didn't *reject* him, so there is still hope--but the waiting is rough, and ugh, and I'm sorry!

Flavia said...

Can't the gnomes and/or ninjas do something with a dead 'possum? Like make a cute little fur muff for your winter days in Duchmanlandia? Or send it special-delivery, in multiple gory, decomposing pieces, to all the people who have wronged you and TD over the years?

There's totally an upside here, is what I'm sayin'.

In the meanwhile, all my sympathy & best thoughts. . .

Sisyphus said...

Sorry about all your trials and travails. I hope they all get resolved for the best!

In the meantime, it is clear that you need re-education on the ways of the internet, which is made of cats:

I hope this helps a little to cheer you up!

Notorious Ph.D. said...

Dang, woman. That's one serious mountain of suckage. This January seems to be hitting many of my friends especially hard. Let's hope it passes soon.

Thoroughly Educated said...

Aw, crappe! That does suck all around. On the possum, I assume it wasn't just, you know, playing possum - ? I have done the expensive cart the dead thing away thing, but, in case this is an option where you live, I have also paid a neighboring teenage boy $20 to bag dispose of dead critters. Cheaper and makes the teenage boy very happy.

Contemporary Troubadour said...

Oh, MW, I'm feelin' ya. D and I are in the midst of an enormous e-mail fight. And that whole Trying To Conceive thing -- I should e-mail you.

I'm wishing lots and lots of fertileness upon you and waving the Magic Pregnancy Test Wand (unused) over your womb. It is charged with goodwill and positive vibes (pun intended). Are you laughing yet from how ridiculous that looks?


Dame Eleanor Hull said...

Damn, I thought I was a dyed-in-the-wool city chick, but when critters die in our yard, I'm the one who gets the spade and digs them under. I mean, not that I enjoy the process, but it would not have occurred to me to call somebody to remove the body. I mean, unless it were bigger than a possum.

Dame Eleanor Hull said...

I mean! God, it's like the, like '80s all over again. Sorry. Shutting up now.

What Now? said...

What a rotten January you're having so far; my sympathies, and my warmest wishes that things turn around soon on all fronts.

the rebel lettriste said...

Yes, poo on January altogether.

And I concur with Flavia that the possum entrails should be sent to all who have wronged you. Would that I had a stash of my own to send!

As for the fertility, all I can say is, be careful what you wish for. You could end up knocked up with twins, like me, which is not proving to be the magical pregnancy experience I would have liked. Granted, it's still pregnancy, and I feel you deeply--the wanting and not being able to is painful as all hell.

Earnest English said...

Damn possum!

Damn commute!

Damn market!

Damn January!

Big hug!

There are some herbs that I know of and used when I wanted to get pregnant (and doctors did say that I had PCOS and may not be able to easily conceive, though that might have been a pile of hooey considering everything). If you want to know what they are, drop me a line at Of course they're the same ones that probably everyone will tell you to use, if you're not using them already.

I wish for better weeks and months and years to follow for you and us all!