Monday, January 18, 2010

Possum Extraction

Thanks for all the lovely comments on my last, highly self-indulgent post. And I would love to take Flave's advice and send bits of the possum - voo-doo-like - to all those who've wronged us - but would one possum do? Or would you need legion amounts of possum? Hmmmm....

The following is a transcription of my conversation with the critter removal folks (two, count them!, two! trucks came to my house to dispose of a possum approximately the size of a loaf of bread):

Removal Dude #1: " got a dead possum here'bouts?" (not kidding - it's a direct transcription).

MW: "Indeed! It's waiting for you in the middle of the driveway!"

Removal Dude #1: "You mean it ain't in a wall or sumthin'?"

MW: "No - the driveway. Perhaps there's another in the wall, but it hasn't died yet..."

Removal Guy #1: "Oh yeah - you pro'bly got lots uh nasty stuff in them walls..." (grins; not many teeth in evidence).

MW: (with a weak laugh) "Oh, you're one of those funny exterminators...anyway, just cart it off at will."

Removal Guy #2: (inspects deceased possum) "It ain't been dead long - it ain't bloated or nuthin' - the fur hadn't started to fall off and there ain't no maggots."

Removal Guy #1: "Yyyyyyuuuup - been dead no more'n a day."

MW: Wow - "This is really like CSI stuff, huh?"

Removal Guys: (*blank looks*)

MW: "Okay - I'll just stand to the side and upwind while you guys take care of this thing."

Removal Guys then take a shovel and a bag and put the carcass in the bag; they close the bag and put it in a plastic bin in the back of their truck. They hold their hand out for the check for $89.

MW: "Did you remove all traces of viscera?" (Because I'm nothing if not professional - and I know my CSI/Law and Order-speak thank you very much).

Removal Guys: (*blank looks*) "What?"

MW: "Well, can you clean up all traces of it? The squishy bits?"

Removal Guy #1 (the comedian) takes out a can of what looks like Lysol and sprays it on the driveway. "There. That about does it."

MW (feeling slightly taken advantage of): "Hmmm...well, okay. Thanks for coming by quickly."

Removal Guy #1: "You prob'ly got bats in that attic. You want us to look?"

MW kindly declines their offer and sends them on their way.

In response to Squadrato's excellent previous comment - you'd think that basic animal control would take care of this, huh? Unfortunately, it's not clear that they will - and of course they're closed for MLK day and I couldn't get the car down the driveway until the thing was gone. It's also illegal to dispose of carcasses in regular waste bins and I wasn't too keen on that thing sitting in my trash can for another week! So, with tied hands, I called the hillbillys and they came and took it away.


squadratomagico said...

Well, at least they lysol-ed the viscera, you know? That's some comfort.

Contemporary Troubadour said...

Wow. I'm speechless.

Remind me next time I have a dead animal to dispose of just to stock up on Lysol ...

Dr. Virago said...

First of all, regarding the last post: {{{{MW}}}}.

I don't know what animal control is like where you are, but here, the dead animal has to be on public property (street, for example) for them to take care of it. Otherwise it's your problem. If there's a next time, take a big shovel, pick it up, put in the street, and then call animal control. Works like a charm. :)