Thanks for all the lovely comments on my last, highly self-indulgent post. And I would love to take Flave's advice and send bits of the possum - voo-doo-like - to all those who've wronged us - but would one possum do? Or would you need legion amounts of possum? Hmmmm....
The following is a transcription of my conversation with the critter removal folks (two, count them!, two! trucks came to my house to dispose of a possum approximately the size of a loaf of bread):
Removal Dude #1: "Yyyyuuuupp...you got a dead possum here'bouts?" (not kidding - it's a direct transcription).
MW: "Indeed! It's waiting for you in the middle of the driveway!"
Removal Dude #1: "You mean it ain't in a wall or sumthin'?"
MW: "No - the driveway. Perhaps there's another in the wall, but it hasn't died yet..."
Removal Guy #1: "Oh yeah - you pro'bly got lots uh nasty stuff in them walls..." (grins; not many teeth in evidence).
MW: (with a weak laugh) "Oh, you're one of those funny exterminators...anyway, just cart it off at will."
Removal Guy #2: (inspects deceased possum) "It ain't been dead long - it ain't bloated or nuthin' - the fur hadn't started to fall off and there ain't no maggots."
Removal Guy #1: "Yyyyyyuuuup - been dead no more'n a day."
MW: Wow - "This is really like CSI stuff, huh?"
Removal Guys: (*blank looks*)
MW: "Okay - I'll just stand to the side and upwind while you guys take care of this thing."
Removal Guys then take a shovel and a bag and put the carcass in the bag; they close the bag and put it in a plastic bin in the back of their truck. They hold their hand out for the check for $89.
MW: "Did you remove all traces of viscera?" (Because I'm nothing if not professional - and I know my CSI/Law and Order-speak thank you very much).
Removal Guys: (*blank looks*) "What?"
MW: "Well, can you clean up all traces of it? The squishy bits?"
Removal Guy #1 (the comedian) takes out a can of what looks like Lysol and sprays it on the driveway. "There. That about does it."
MW (feeling slightly taken advantage of): "Hmmm...well, okay. Thanks for coming by quickly."
Removal Guy #1: "You prob'ly got bats in that attic. You want us to look?"
MW kindly declines their offer and sends them on their way.
In response to Squadrato's excellent previous comment - you'd think that basic animal control would take care of this, huh? Unfortunately, it's not clear that they will - and of course they're closed for MLK day and I couldn't get the car down the driveway until the thing was gone. It's also illegal to dispose of carcasses in regular waste bins and I wasn't too keen on that thing sitting in my trash can for another week! So, with tied hands, I called the hillbillys and they came and took it away.