Why fight the fact that I'm measuring my life out, not in coffee spoons, but it random bullet points? The past few weeks have been lived by working through "To Do" lists and time has been marked by scratching off completed tasks rather than looking at the clock.
So be it.
I'm moving.
As I poke my nose around the blogosphere to see what's up at Chez Bloggez Ya'll, I notice several patterns: 1) Those Doing Research (often at way cool places!), 2) Those Going Home or Beginning New Positions, and 3) Those on the Move:
1) Dr. Virago, Morgan, and Another Damned Medievalist are all in England doing research (oh, how I wish I were too!). Flavia is just back from a successful transcribing trip, and Ancrene Wiseass has just returned and finally shaken the creeping crud she caught (yay, antibodies!). Squadratomagico is prepping for a trip to India (although I don't think it's for research)!
2) Sisyphus is back home for a visit, Tiruncula is back at her favorite house in beloved Old City. Earnest English is traveling to see her family, moving to start a new job; New Kid is happily ensconced in her summer teaching gig, Heo Cwaeth is looking for summer fundage; and What Now is getting ready to start a new gig!
3) And then there are the big-time moves, and I count myself in this category. JB over at Age of Perfection is making a big move and talking about the expense of it (which I so feel as well, sistah!) and Hilaire blogs about the emotional and physical taxation of a big move away from her favorite city.
As usual, Hilaire and I seem to be undergoing very similar moving experiences. There's just so much *stuff* and it all has to go somewhere. Preferably with some sense of order attached to it. And then there's the sadness of saying goodbye. Hilaire is saying farewell not only to her partner but also to many, many friends and her home city - that's such a hard thing I can't even imagine it! I'm saying goodbye to The Dutchman (no, not forever, but tell that to my breaking heart...). I put TD on a plane yesterday to go home and to a conference abroad for 10 days. Not a very long time by any means, but I still started to cry at the security door where I was still waving crazily and blowing kisses as he got wanded because he'd set off the metal detector yet again. While he's gone, I'll finish packing up my belongings (I hate separating sets of things we got for our wedding - it's depressing. Whose books/movies are whose? I get four cereal bowls, he gets four; I get four champagne flutes, he gets four. It's a practical tedium that seems strangely like divorce...) - then the day after he gets back, we go pick up his leased car, get the U-Haul and load it, and then bright and early the next day, we pile the screeching furballs into the car and motor.
Ya know what? I'm sick to death of talking and thinking about the separation. I want to just get to Dream Academy City so I can start blogging about the new place, the new job, funny anecdotes about colleagues and students. I know that missing TD will be a part of that blogging experience as well, but I'm just eager for it not to be something I experience totally undiluted. Like drinking really strong alcohol without a little but of OJ or Coke to cut the shock of it.
But, that's just where I am right now - and I won't always be here. You guys don't mind, do you? :)
I'm going to go get Wendy's...
5 comments:
Oh, the Dutchman separation sounds so sad. But I know what you mean about wanting to get it over with--because surely the thought of it, and the preparation, are worse than the reality will be. And once you're in Dream City, you'll have so much more to keep you busy and happy that the sadness will be mitigated.
I'm about to leave for what is probably my last week-long visit to Boyfriend City tomorrow--at least until winter break--and I haven't quite let myself think about that yet. But that's the subject for a whole new post in itself.
Of course we don't mind, my dear! You're allowed to be sad!
I was going to agree with you and jb, so wholeheartedly. Same thing -- need the anticipation to be over, and the new life to have begun in the new place. It's exhausting to be always anticipating sadness...and unnecessary because I think for both of us, it is going to be full of rich, good things.
Anyway, I'm so sorry you're sad right now, in any case. I'm pretty much tied up tonight, but expect an email from me tomorrow morning.
((MW))
Why look! You've done a whole Moving Carnival, all on your own. You go! Heh, literally.
All the packing and cleaning and worrying and crap will be over soon, so just throw yourself into it. It's like grading --- it sucks, then you're done. (I myself am strange and kinda like the whole clean-slate-start-over-plan stuff parts of moving, but if you start too early it gets old and wears you out.)
I hear ya. I cried like a baby at the airport when I heard K. close to tears. This is rough stuff, but you will be okay.
Hugs to you. I can imagine how weird and wrenching it must feel to be splitting up the stuff! But I am looking forward to hearing all about the new place. Best of luck with the furballs :)
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