NB: The musings of this post in no way contradict the musings of the last (and thank you all for the lovely comments and encouragement!!)
But, reading around on the medieval blogosphere about NCS reminiscences has made me a little sad that I missed it (to say nothing of the fact that TD and I had a bodacious trip to Tuscany and Rome planned around the conference). I had been accepted to a great panel that was right up my work alley - and I would have loved to present and hear the other papers, see friends, just be part of an intellectual enterprise again. Of course, the panel organizer and the hotel peeps were wonderful about my pulling out (I pulled out months ago, so it wasn't a last minute burden), but I didn't realize how reading about other people's conference experiences would make me feel a little isolated.
Now, I know there will be many more NCSs and K'zoos to attend, so it's not like I missed Woodstock or anything, but it's made me reflect on the general feeling of being trapped and how tantalizingly anesthetizing that actually is. My day is filled basically with sleeping and eating - and I'm doing exactly what I should be. It's now also governed with periodic blood glucose levels and trips to the doctor. All is well and I've performed my gestation duties very well so far.
But reading NCS posts has made me wake up from my pregnancy haze a take a look around me for the first time in weeks:
- wait, wasn't I going to do research this summer? Wasn't I going to get a head start on the new project after I re-submitted my book manuscript (deargodpleaseletmegetacontract)?
- hold on, don't I have friends skulking around this town someplace? I haven't seen them in a long time...
- don't I have an office with a nice view? Aren't there books waiting for me at the ILL desk in the library?
Whoa - I'd forgotten about all that! So, I've decided to take some metaphorical baby steps before I get bogged down in actual baby steps and reconnect with myself as scholar and social being. These guys will soon enough take over my life once they're on the outside and I'm taking advantage of their amniotic incarceration for a little longer.
We'll see how this goes, but I'm sick of trapping myself in the house because of exhaustion, lack of motivation, etc. It's amazing how the days can slink by.
So, on tap for the coming days:
1) taco night with friends tonight.
2) go up to office tomorrow for 2 hours and read articles (*gasp!*)
3) read and comment on my friend M's article for submission to PMLA.
4) look at 2011 K'zoo CFP and see what's what because I'M GOING NEXT YEAR (and Rebel Lettriste, our sets of twain can play together)!
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Friday, July 23, 2010
On the bod
Okay, since the dismal defeat of our orange men 2 weeks ago, I haven't blogged (although I've been reading yours!) - it was a poorly played game; TD's disappointment was bitter.
But, we rally! And I've had so many naps since then that it seems like a lifetime ago!
(*interrupted to report that Furball #2 is sleeping underneath my desk and is having some kind of dream - her little paws and nose are twitching a mile a minute...very cute*)
Given the condition my condition is currently in (and the fact that it is indeed a growing condition), I've been thinking a lot about my body lately. I've been diagnosed with borderline gestational diabetes and it was explained to me that this is because I'm carrying twins. Indeed, I haven't changed my diet a bit and I've been taking my glucose readings 4 times daily for several days and my readings have never been above 110 (they should remain below 120 2 hours after each meal). This all lends a bit of skepticism to the diagnosis, but I'll play ball.
So, I dutifully went to my diabetes education class with other ladies in "the family way" (as the leader called us) and I listened to a woman rattle on for 2 hours about how if we didn't get our diabetes in check we were going to give birth to "little sumo wrestlers" (said in an overly cutesy, saccharin voice - my blood sugar just spiked). I wanted to jump across the table and strangle this horrid woman within the first 5 minutes. Seriously, I wished her very ill and it didn't get any better the longer I was there. And these women in the class did nothing but moan about how they could no longer eat their Hostess Fruit Pies and drink full on leaded Coke the rest of their pregnancies. Now, I'm in no way poo-pooing these items - if I didn't get heartburn just looking at a Ding-Dong at the moment, I'd be inhaling them right and left. But, I just wanted to get the info and get out. I have absolutely no intention of counting my carbs and sugars and doing exchanges, etc. for the next 9 weeks. Especially because after eating tater tots and hot dogs, burgers and fries, my blood sugar still isn't above 108. Ha. Vindication.
But it was at the moment that the woman told us that we need to get our "lovely svelte figures" back as soon as possible after delivery that I took notice (and vowed to kill her as soon as no one was looking). She pointed to all of our globular physiques and motioned to the belly area and said, "this is ALL TYPE TWOOOOOOOOOO!"* But her certainty that we were all in the crosshairs of this disease because we were a) pregnant and b) therefore, fat, made me fume. Now, I'm all for staying on top of things and being as healthy as you can and being aware if you're at a higher risk for something. I also live in the South and this woman suggested that all of us ladies hie ourselves to our churches and Wal-Marts and get the pounds off asap by walking around in an air-conditioned space (it has actually been prohibitively hot here). But this just made me want to declare myself a big lesbian Satanist communist and reach for a Twinkie.
I hate that shit. Especially when the purveyor of that shit is asking me to poke my finger with a sharp object 4 times a day.
But all of this got me thinking later about how I've been feeling about my growing spherical shape during this whole odyssey. Horrid evil woman seemed to be suggesting that we were fat (or had started out fat) and would continue to be fat unless we were scared skinny by the likes of her.
Now, I have always struggled with my weight and I haven't been really comfy with my body for the past 10 years (and at certain times before that - but does anyone think they look awesome in highschool? Anyone real, I mean...). I've made peace with the fact that I'm basically shaped like a hobbit and who doesn't love cute hobbits (besides Saaaaaauuuuuuraaaaannnnnn)? But in recent years, I've become a more rotund hobbit than I was before.
However, since getting sprogged up, I have to say I've taken on a totally different outlook on my body. I actually think I look fantastic and I wear tight shirts that show off my bod in a way I've never done before (I was always kind of a "buy two sizes up and nothing will cling" kind of lady). At first I thought that I was getting more comfortable with my body because I now felt like I had a reason or an excuse to be overweight or the shape I am. But that's not it. I actually look at myself in the mirror and I don't think I'm fat anymore. It's not like the kids have magically eaten my butt into a size 4 or anything (although I was sort of hoping that would happen). And my arms certainly aren't any more toned than they ever were. But I just think I look kind of frickin' great all the time and it's really cool. It helps that TD is magically drawn to my tummy in a cool, awe-filled, unskeevy way and he's always telling me I look great. Could this be hormones? Possibly. Could this new body self-image go away after delivery? Possibly. But I really hope it sticks around...
*she was referring to the statistic that between 50% and 80% of women who have significant gestational diabetes will develop Type 2 diabetes within 5 years. Basically, you have to keep an eye on it and get tested every year. Makes sense.
P.S. TD surprised me last night with a gift certificate of 5 hour-long pre-natal massages. And then I woke him up at 2:30 with what I thought were signs of pre-term labor (way too early at 29 weeks). So, we spent 4 hours in the women's hospital and found that it was only a false alarm and everything is great. They were lovely and told us to come back even if we suspected something hinky. But it was no fun. At least we got to see the sun rise as we left the hospital!
But, we rally! And I've had so many naps since then that it seems like a lifetime ago!
(*interrupted to report that Furball #2 is sleeping underneath my desk and is having some kind of dream - her little paws and nose are twitching a mile a minute...very cute*)
Given the condition my condition is currently in (and the fact that it is indeed a growing condition), I've been thinking a lot about my body lately. I've been diagnosed with borderline gestational diabetes and it was explained to me that this is because I'm carrying twins. Indeed, I haven't changed my diet a bit and I've been taking my glucose readings 4 times daily for several days and my readings have never been above 110 (they should remain below 120 2 hours after each meal). This all lends a bit of skepticism to the diagnosis, but I'll play ball.
So, I dutifully went to my diabetes education class with other ladies in "the family way" (as the leader called us) and I listened to a woman rattle on for 2 hours about how if we didn't get our diabetes in check we were going to give birth to "little sumo wrestlers" (said in an overly cutesy, saccharin voice - my blood sugar just spiked). I wanted to jump across the table and strangle this horrid woman within the first 5 minutes. Seriously, I wished her very ill and it didn't get any better the longer I was there. And these women in the class did nothing but moan about how they could no longer eat their Hostess Fruit Pies and drink full on leaded Coke the rest of their pregnancies. Now, I'm in no way poo-pooing these items - if I didn't get heartburn just looking at a Ding-Dong at the moment, I'd be inhaling them right and left. But, I just wanted to get the info and get out. I have absolutely no intention of counting my carbs and sugars and doing exchanges, etc. for the next 9 weeks. Especially because after eating tater tots and hot dogs, burgers and fries, my blood sugar still isn't above 108. Ha. Vindication.
But it was at the moment that the woman told us that we need to get our "lovely svelte figures" back as soon as possible after delivery that I took notice (and vowed to kill her as soon as no one was looking). She pointed to all of our globular physiques and motioned to the belly area and said, "this is ALL TYPE TWOOOOOOOOOO!"* But her certainty that we were all in the crosshairs of this disease because we were a) pregnant and b) therefore, fat, made me fume. Now, I'm all for staying on top of things and being as healthy as you can and being aware if you're at a higher risk for something. I also live in the South and this woman suggested that all of us ladies hie ourselves to our churches and Wal-Marts and get the pounds off asap by walking around in an air-conditioned space (it has actually been prohibitively hot here). But this just made me want to declare myself a big lesbian Satanist communist and reach for a Twinkie.
I hate that shit. Especially when the purveyor of that shit is asking me to poke my finger with a sharp object 4 times a day.
But all of this got me thinking later about how I've been feeling about my growing spherical shape during this whole odyssey. Horrid evil woman seemed to be suggesting that we were fat (or had started out fat) and would continue to be fat unless we were scared skinny by the likes of her.
Now, I have always struggled with my weight and I haven't been really comfy with my body for the past 10 years (and at certain times before that - but does anyone think they look awesome in highschool? Anyone real, I mean...). I've made peace with the fact that I'm basically shaped like a hobbit and who doesn't love cute hobbits (besides Saaaaaauuuuuuraaaaannnnnn)? But in recent years, I've become a more rotund hobbit than I was before.
However, since getting sprogged up, I have to say I've taken on a totally different outlook on my body. I actually think I look fantastic and I wear tight shirts that show off my bod in a way I've never done before (I was always kind of a "buy two sizes up and nothing will cling" kind of lady). At first I thought that I was getting more comfortable with my body because I now felt like I had a reason or an excuse to be overweight or the shape I am. But that's not it. I actually look at myself in the mirror and I don't think I'm fat anymore. It's not like the kids have magically eaten my butt into a size 4 or anything (although I was sort of hoping that would happen). And my arms certainly aren't any more toned than they ever were. But I just think I look kind of frickin' great all the time and it's really cool. It helps that TD is magically drawn to my tummy in a cool, awe-filled, unskeevy way and he's always telling me I look great. Could this be hormones? Possibly. Could this new body self-image go away after delivery? Possibly. But I really hope it sticks around...
*she was referring to the statistic that between 50% and 80% of women who have significant gestational diabetes will develop Type 2 diabetes within 5 years. Basically, you have to keep an eye on it and get tested every year. Makes sense.
P.S. TD surprised me last night with a gift certificate of 5 hour-long pre-natal massages. And then I woke him up at 2:30 with what I thought were signs of pre-term labor (way too early at 29 weeks). So, we spent 4 hours in the women's hospital and found that it was only a false alarm and everything is great. They were lovely and told us to come back even if we suspected something hinky. But it was no fun. At least we got to see the sun rise as we left the hospital!
Saturday, July 10, 2010
Netherlands FIFA 2010 Champs??!!
Dear Bloggy Friends,
Please, please, please pray, chant, sing, dance, whatever you can do to support our boys in orange in tomorrow's FIFA World Cup final. They've never won the FIFA (I know, I know, neither has Spain) and TD would break down into tears of joy if their dream could come true. We've put up the Dutch flag outside and we're draped in every orange thing we own. The tenure gnomes are attempting to prepare some kind of animal sacrifice of the squirrels who keep eating our birdseed. The band of ninja warriors are on their way to South Africa to engage in a little untraceable espionage against our Spanish competition (I have plausible deniability).
Thank You,
Midweevil Oman HQ
Sunday, July 4, 2010
Is it okay to do a fluff post again??
My life seems to be made up of bullet points and napping, so this is all I'm capable of at the moment.
So, here's goes:
1) TD is quitting smoking and it's REALLY HARD. On both of us. We're still trying to unpack and organize in a place we're realizing is a bit too small for our combined stuff plus sprog-stuff. He's having to take on a lot more of the shit I used to be able to help out with and it's wearing a bit on him - sometimes I just want to tell him to have a smoke, but then he'd have to start all over again. He doesn't resent me b/c he is having to do extra shit (like clean the catbox, move boxes around, etc.), but he gets easily annoyed at the situation.
2) I started reading a twins book yesterday that had me panicking about pre-term labor - it wasn't that "What to Expect" garbage, either. I hate those f*cking books because I start getting phantom twinges that I read too much into. I must say unabashedly that I'm no longer enjoying being pregnant. It's getting ponderous and I'm constantly sore. I would prefer to go into cryo-stasis until October and I have the gnomes working on that.
3) Speaking of which, I need to re-task the job market gnomes into tenure gnomes. Now that TD is here and I've been all bulbously lazy, the gnomes have become quite slovenly. They're getting fat, hanging with the wrong crowd, refusing to weed the back bed. Little fuckers...
4) Still have heard nothing from the publisher, but its very early and they're far away in England, so things take time. Trying not to think about it.
5) We're going to the beach tomorrow through Wednesday. I'm very happy about this - I can *just* still fit into my bathing suit (thank god lycra is streeeeeeeeetchy), so I'll still wear it and not buy a knocked up one. I look forward to the feeling of buoyancy greatly. I might just spend the whole time bobbing up and down in the surf. TD can tether me to the shore so I don't float out to sea. We will play cards and watch the Dutch soccer team in the FIFA semifinals.
6) Next week we also go to IKEA to get the aliens' furniture! I'm insanely excited to get that shit set up. It will start to feel real and it'll be a bit like the light at the end of the tunnel. I'll post pics when it's done if you like.
Okay, time for my nap...thanks for hanging in there with me!
So, here's goes:
1) TD is quitting smoking and it's REALLY HARD. On both of us. We're still trying to unpack and organize in a place we're realizing is a bit too small for our combined stuff plus sprog-stuff. He's having to take on a lot more of the shit I used to be able to help out with and it's wearing a bit on him - sometimes I just want to tell him to have a smoke, but then he'd have to start all over again. He doesn't resent me b/c he is having to do extra shit (like clean the catbox, move boxes around, etc.), but he gets easily annoyed at the situation.
2) I started reading a twins book yesterday that had me panicking about pre-term labor - it wasn't that "What to Expect" garbage, either. I hate those f*cking books because I start getting phantom twinges that I read too much into. I must say unabashedly that I'm no longer enjoying being pregnant. It's getting ponderous and I'm constantly sore. I would prefer to go into cryo-stasis until October and I have the gnomes working on that.
3) Speaking of which, I need to re-task the job market gnomes into tenure gnomes. Now that TD is here and I've been all bulbously lazy, the gnomes have become quite slovenly. They're getting fat, hanging with the wrong crowd, refusing to weed the back bed. Little fuckers...
4) Still have heard nothing from the publisher, but its very early and they're far away in England, so things take time. Trying not to think about it.
5) We're going to the beach tomorrow through Wednesday. I'm very happy about this - I can *just* still fit into my bathing suit (thank god lycra is streeeeeeeeetchy), so I'll still wear it and not buy a knocked up one. I look forward to the feeling of buoyancy greatly. I might just spend the whole time bobbing up and down in the surf. TD can tether me to the shore so I don't float out to sea. We will play cards and watch the Dutch soccer team in the FIFA semifinals.
6) Next week we also go to IKEA to get the aliens' furniture! I'm insanely excited to get that shit set up. It will start to feel real and it'll be a bit like the light at the end of the tunnel. I'll post pics when it's done if you like.
Okay, time for my nap...thanks for hanging in there with me!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)