Thoughts on New Professordom

I'm entering my 4th week of classes here and I thought I'd take a little moment to reflect on the nuevo job. I guess I'll split it up into the Holy Triumverate of Academe: Teaching, Service, Research.

1) Teaching:
The students here are truly lovely - and I mean that from the heart. Some of them don't talk as much as I'd like and I have a feeling that if they've already read some of the canonical texts we're reading this semester, they're not re-reading them for my class, but for the most part they're engaged and interested. This has to do largely with the demographic of student here - a different one than I've ever taught, actually. Many of the students here are paying their own way through college - working, taking out loans, etc. They're not getting full rides from the folks (not that that's better or worse, it's just different). As a result of that, I've seen a level of personal responsiblity from these students that trumps pretty much anything I've been used to. There are always slackers of every ilk anywhere you go, but they don't stand out as much here.

Another interesting thing about the students is that many of them already have children. They're maybe only a year or two older than the typical undergrad, but I have a lot of married and pregnant students (all of whom have told me their due dates and are on top of things should something unexpected happen). Also, a lot of women have husbands or boyfriends in Iraq or Afganistan. This area supports a lot of military and it's interesting to hear that the reason why they missed a class wasn't because they were upset or having a hard time because of a hangnail, but because their husband got an unexpected leave from Iraq and they took their kids to the base to see him for 48 hours before he was deployed again. They're not asking for special consideration, they're just letting me know that they respect my time and want to tell me why they weren't in class. Wow.

So, I guess the sense of entitlement that has been present in various ways in all the schools I've taught at previously is really not an issue here. Especially after last year, where I had so many ridiculous whinings and petty complaints that it became one of the most tedious parts of my job, this is a breath of fresh air. (See, for example, this and this...)

A particular joy about this job is that I get to teach classes entirely in my field (and some in Medieval/Renaissance). That's a blessing - no comp! The one difference for me with teaching is that I'm very aware of the fact that these classes "count" now - i.e., my ride on the tenure track has begun and now the evals and word of mouth and enrollments, etc. count in a way that I'm very aware of. I don't know if I'm more worried about making my classes awesome or not, but it's just more...in my face now. If I teach a good class and I don't wave a firearm around in class, I know that will be enough on the teaching front. I don't have to be the most popular teacher, but I've been pretty popular in the past and I need to shed the need to maintain that level of intensity I think. I have other fish to fry now!

2) Service:
This is fine so far. I'm new enough so that the meetings are more exciting than tedious; I'm on a job search committee, which is also exciting for me (ask me again in two months when I'm slogging through applications), and I'm on another fluffy committee that doesn't need to do much.

3) Research (the Big Kahuna):
I need to figure out how to balance teaching and research, that's for sure. I've heard about a lot of different strategies and I need to find one that works for me - I'm positive that it will involve me scheduling time each week. Once I get a grant application done and one more paper abstract out, I can finally turn back to the Article That Never Dies.

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I guess when all is said and done, being a professor is pretty damn great for me. I've had friends who got jobs last year who have said, "Oh MW, it's not all it's cracked up to be, pressure, meetings, teaching, etc...." But I never expected that it wouldn't be all those things. Maybe it's because I had a few years without a job that having one puts things into perspective. I have a job; it's mine until I hear otherwise.

I'm reminded of a friend who told me that when you see the Mona Lisa in the Louvre, it's a big disappointment because it's actually pretty small and there are crowds, etc. But when I was standing in front of it this summer, all I could think is: "I'm looking at the actual Mona Lisa."

Wow. That's pretty damn great.

Here's the Skinny

I clearly need to get into my blogging groove again! I feel like I've been falling down on the job! Buuuuut, I'm teaching four days a week this semester (due to a last minute change that had me sacrificing one of my T/Th classes for a M/W one). I'm still teaching only 2 courses, so I'm in the classrom a grand total of 75 minutes a day, but I forgot how tiring this schedule can be (because I'm a cream puff. I don't work in a mine 8 hours a day! Why am I complaining?). At any rate, it's psychically taxing to have it drawn out in little bits over the week. Friday there are always meetings, etc. going on. I haven't been sleeping well with TD gone - it always takes me about 4 days to get back into my solo sleep rhythm.

But, here's what's on my mind at the moment: rectifying this perverse "living apart" thing. It's looking like this year will be make or break. All the planets and attendant satellites are aligning; my oracles are emailing me constantly. Even the Lucky Leprechauns I flew in especially for this purpose are working overtime to make things happen.

I've spoken to my dept. chair about the job openings in nearby universities for TD - there is a "regional component" to the spousal hiring policy (and I use the term loosely!) in this state university system. We've made spousal hires for folks who've gotten t-t jobs at neighboring unis. Happiness will ensue if this could be reciprocal. But, every spousal case is different and brings its own unique challenges. In TD's case, they're already doing hires (which is good) so we wouldn't be asking them to create a position out of thin air. But, how to approach this? How do you nudge lovingly and not have it be taken as an obnoxious, unwelcome poke in the ribs by the other school?

Hmmm...my dept. chair didn't know, so it was tossed up to the Dean to see what he thought. He didn't know exactly how to broach the subject either, but decided to call the Provost right away (!). The Provost said he would be delighted to talk to the Provosts at Neighboring Uni. 1 & 2 - can we forward him TD's CV and the job ads? Holy crap - sure thing! As it turns out, the Provost and Dean are completely pleased to help with the whole thing - and the Dean is even speaking to the other Dean of TD's field about maybe a position here.

Now, my uni would be a bit of a challenge for TD to fit into. He does theoretical models of cattle-herding, whereas this dept. would be more the practical, applied side of cattle-herding; the care and feeding of the cattle you intend to herd; strategies for making money with the cattle you herd, etc. It might be hard for him to find good cattle, I mean, colleagues to talk to here and this is important for his work. But, ya know - as many cow patties as we can get on the fire, the better, huh? Bad continuation of that analogy, I know...

So, all this Bodes Well. My leprechaun-team and job market gnomes are happy to have Deans and Provosts on board. Many hands make light work, they tell me.

In other related, highly ironic news, TD's Univ. (where I taught last year), is hiring in my exact field. Um, let's work on our timing, folks! Buuut, I feel that I should apply for this job. Because once it's filled, it ain't coming around again for a long time and then that window will be closed for us. I've known about this for a while and I've been debating about whether to blog about it. But I can't keep much from you bloglets - except, MY INDENTITY! - and it's pretty easy to wheedle that out of me by emailing me. I must say, however, that all things being equal, my personal and geographical predilections mean that I'd like to stay here and have TD get a job nearby. But, we want to be together and get our future in forward motion (which includes a house and a Medieval Baby at some point soon). TD declares that this is priority #1, so it's pretty much "together anywhere that will hire us both".

So, is it now clear why this is looking to be a *magical* year? When in Zeus's name will our mutual job markets ever again align themselves "just so"? And then I think - oh shit - what if even with all this cosmic, administrative, and magical creature help we still fail to procure employment together? Back to the drawing board? What drawing board??? Argh.

Nope, nope. I'm pulling a Scarlett O'Hara. Not gonna think about that. Something tells me that all this isn't chance, we haven't ended up in this position (career-wise, a good one) that has opened up a number of opportunities all for naught.

But just in case, I'm getting a unicorn.

I need a little Yin with my Yang...

Furballs! Furballs! burning bright
On the sofa of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Dare frame thy fearful symmetry?

I took this picture this evening during one of the 75 episodes of Law & Order I watched. I feel desperately in need of a little of this symmetry - my life feels a bit out of whack. I'm in complete denial about classes starting in a matter of days. Of writing paper abstracts; applying for travel grants; of writing the "article which will never die like some evil zombie from hell"...

I received the copyedited version of my forthcoming article today and there are many many annoying little and not so little things that need to change before it goes to press. And I can't read the editor's handwriting. And it's due back by the end of the month.

However, after a really balanced meal of Triscuits and tunafish salad, I feel ready to do a little blogging. All in all, things are fine with the new job - I really like my colleagues and I'm going to a little shindig at the home of a colleague tomorrow night.

Yesterday's ostensible all-day orientation was disappointing and I ended up playing hooky after the first hour and a half (Unlike JB, who's gone to all of hers like a good new prof!). There were barely any humanities people there at all - only one other hire in my department was there. Mostly sciences, social sciences, and various permutations of medicine and health. I sat at a table with 45 new sociologists who didn't even respond when I said hello. And on my other side were 4 new education profs. who all asked me if I had children. No, I said, my husband and I aren't even living in the same country at the moment. Looks of sad pity all around. And then they ignored me as well. I am not social (apparently) nor am I a child to be educated. Fine then, I thought. I'll eat my muffin and duck out during the break.

They passed a microphone around and I had to say where I was from, what I do, and what my hobbies are. Everyone said gardening, hiking, camping, yoga, aerobics, blah, blah...even finishing dissertations! I had no hobby to share, I realized. At least not one I wanted to be labeled with: "Isn't that the girl who eats hamburgers in her spare time?"..."Oh, that's the new medievalist who watches TV when she should be writing..." So, I said that I was commuting to see my hubbie, so actually traveling was my hobby at the moment! (*Dead silence. Sound of a cricket chirping in the corner. Not even a conspiratorial chuckle. Am I the only one??*) - it was like I told them I had an inoperable brain tumor! I mean, hell, I'm DOING it and I'm not as broken up about it as all that! Lighten up, people...

So, I pocketed another muffin and left. I have already introduced myself to the library services, etc. and I didn't want to do exercises about making up syllabi. So, I went by my department and ended up spending a lovely afternoon putting about and being visited by various new colleagues, etc. A much better orientation, actually!

Once the semester is in full swing, I'll feel a little more balanced, I know. My little posse of appointment gnomes keep filling up my schedule with various meetings and deadlines and I need to get crackin'!

Tomorrow....

Soon student blogging will commence!

Back to our Regularly Scheduled Blogging...

I had to type the word "regularly" 4 times because it looked so weird.

So, TD left today on a jet plane (a Canadair Regional Jet to be precise) and he's now happily munching a hotdog in the Detroit airport waiting for his connection. I was sad to see him leave, but it wasn't even remotely as bad as it was the first time. He'll be back in less than 2 weeks and will stay for 9 days.

In the meantime, my life is on fastforward - gone are the days of lounging around and pining away for my husband. It's now gearing up for teaching, meetings, grant proposals, conference proposals, faculty orientations, office hours, etc. I'm having difficulty keeping it all straight! I'm also trying to carve out some time to continue chipping away at that article.

Lists...off to make lists...

Random Bits of Emotional Musings and Existential Crises

I've been wanting to post a bit more about our trip to grad school city and the host of emotional reactions - both good and a little tough - that attended our trip.

First off, seeing our friends who are still in the area even after we finished school (and who will be there for years) was so wonderful and it brought home a bit the old truism that school friends are made far more easily than colleague or "grown up" friends. The Dutchman and I have moved around quite a bit over the past couple of years and in my past three teaching situations I was on the fringes of a department and university (i.e., as a VAP and an adjunct). I was happy to have these positions (god knows!) but socially it was a real low point - I naturally wasn't a part of the culture of the department, never went to meetings, and my office was usually off in a different building, etc. The school where I'm at now is slightly different because I made an effort of introducing myself to the colleagues in my field here and it's been nice.

But being back "home" for a few days reminded us of how much we loved being with our friends, who are all in either gone on to academic jobs or other professions in the area but with whom we still have a lot of fun. We don't gripe about the difficulty of grad school and dissertating (as we were wont to do before), instead, we talk about our work, our careers, etc. and still have an amazing connection. Even though most of us "survived" grad school together, that's not even remotely the only thing we have in common. All in all, I guess I realized that I didn't have to go back in time to a nostalgic, sometimes gruelling, past in order to enjoy these friendships. They have continued to develop long after grad school is over and they've survived the intervening geographical distance very well. This is great because I know we'll always have them, but it's tough, because - dammit - I want them all the time!

This brings me to my second emotional musing, which was also brought into sharp relief through this trip: babies. We made the rounds to see all our friends and two of the couples had new (2 months) and new-ish (7 months) babies that we'd never seen before. They were fantastic, lovely little nippers and it was just a giant ball of fun to hang out with all of them - with the adults drinking margaritas and beer, eating velveeta and salsa "cheese" dip, and helping our friends' 4 year old put together a dinosaur puzzle while trying to keep my margarita glass out of grabbing range of the baby I was holding. It was a wonderful time.

Just before we left for our trip last week, we heard that some of our closest friends, one of the Dutch couples we're going to Tuscany with this summer, are expecting a baby in November. This is one of the Dutchman's closest and oldest friends - they got married a month after we did. We were completely overjoyed for them, but after we got off the phone with them, we both cried.

Pretty early on in this last hiring season I knew that I wouldn't have a fourth job market in me - at least not now. As time went on and the options naturally began to narrow, we sat down and gave some serious thought to what we would do if no job offers were forthcoming this year. We knew we could count on a 3-year contract here that would pay very well, but would not be renewable. So, we decided that if the Dream Academy didn't come through, we would stay here for the next few years and start trying to have a family in a few months. It felt good to have a game plan in any event - I stopped trying to think about the implications of my actually getting the job and then *taking* the job. When I did get the job I was overjoyed personally and professionally - in the back of my mind has been the nagging issue that we will be living apart very soon, but to be honest, the happiness of being able to begin my career outweighs that on most days.

But when we heard about our friends and saw all the babies, I remembered in a very visceral, emotional way that another part of that game plan was also being put on hold indefinitely - having a family. Now, intellectually I know that I'm still young, I have lots of time, and that it's much better for me to start my career now rather than divert it in a significant way. With my new job I have options and security and the opportunity to teach and conduct research in my own field. Staying here with a 3-year contract means teaching a lot of courses I'm not really trained to teach and hitting a brick wall in the near future.

The trip last week combined with the news from our friends hit both of us very hard with the realization that we can't start a family right now. Ironically, almost right at the moment we both decided that we wanted to try for a baby (literally in January), I got offered the job a week or so later. [*cue Alanis Morrissette's "Ironic"*] Hopefully we can in the near future, but it could take years for us to live together again - it could also take one year. Who knows? Either way, we're not able to do it now and it saddens us both.

Why couldn't one of us have wanted to be a real estate agent? Or something we could do just about anywhere??